BY MICHAEL HAYNE

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

COMMENTARY

While the majority of the country was still in shock and attempting to fathom the tragedy that occurred at the movie theater in Aurora, one would think it would stop some of the most rabid and mouth-foaming tea party Republicans from being complete and utter jerks. Now, just when you thought Tea Party Republican Lou Gohmert took the entire bakery of totally inappropriate partisanship and petty grandstanding, an unhinged lunatic with a following of unhinged lunatics challenged Gohmert.

For the uninitiated (the lucky ones), Alex Jones is an insanely paranoid survivalist radio host whose entire radio existence is purely responsible for all the other insanely paranoid conspiracy theorists, for whom the demented agitator easily exploits and inflames by pouncing on their stereotypical angry white guy fears. Jones is so off the reservation with regards to logic and fact substantiated coherence that he makes Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh look like Edward Murrow and the BBC combined.

Jones is your classic paranoid, Texan conspiracy nut that I am not convinced is even real, but rather a South Park parody. Further, Jones is no different from any other joker with a high-speed connection, too much time on their hands due to being unemployed, unmarketable moronic slobs (yet hypocritically exploit Obama's unemployment extensions), and completely without even an elementary education.

Jones is notorious for making enormously unsubstantiated big claims, including claiming that world "leaders sacrifice children as part of an annual ritual at Bohemian Grove and believing that those behind "The New World Order" are "constantly trying to shut him down for speaking the truth." In short, Jones is like an unlikable Dale from King of the Hill who leads a large pack of phenomenally, breathtakingly misinformed minions into his wooded gun club and manipulates their malleable minds with tree house-like hyperbole.

“There’s a war on for your mind,” says Jones, according to Coed Magazine, with regard to his popular conspiracy theory radio show

Indeed, Jones is nothing but a walking punch line for those among us with more than two functioning brain cells; however, much like Glen Beck and other right wing vulgarities who make millions exploiting the limitless credulity and idiocy in America (the only remaining natural resource). But what's especially frightening about Jones, perhaps in order to maintain his grip on the non-partisan crazy quota, is that he really doesn't claim to subscribe to left or right ideological philosophy. Despite the fact that nearly every one of Jones' laughable assertions all derive from right-wing propaganda--such as attacking people’s emotions, instilling fear, and touting a virulently anti-government/statist platform--the deluded radio host with a professional wrestler voice cynically dissimulates his transparent right-wing fodder by subscribing (and perverting) Libertarian dogma. 

Even though the victims of the horrific terror attack in Aurora haven’t all been brought to light yet, Jones took to the airwaves in a most inappropriate fashion to spout his insanely deluded conspiracy theories with regards the attack out in Denver. According to Jones, the evil Kenyan socialist conspired with the UN and they drugged James Holmes and armed him as part of Fast and Furious in order to bring arms control to America. If you read that sentence again, blood will ooze from your eyes and you may find yourself in the fetal position.

In sum, it's very obvious that the powers that be probably do not have the greatest of intentions, particularly that of those for whom they represent. While it's very fashionable to think of the federal government as being a living, breathing Leviathan that plans controlled explosions in the WTC in order to justify a dictatorial power grab, it belies the fact that government officials can actually keep their freaking mouths shut and are competent. After all, if FEMA couldn't even land a helicopter into a ginormous sports stadium, then what could possibly make one think that they could pull off something so intricate and sophisticated of which Jones speaks. Jones can believe what he wants and can freely spout it over the airwaves, but if you're going to make big claims at least have the courtesy to have hard facts to substantiate them, and maybe wait a week or two before you use a tragedy for personal gain.

Michael Hayne is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire. Follow (or yell) him on Twitter and Facebook.

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