BY MICHAEL HAYNE
Barely a week after getting chewed up, spit out, and then chewed up a few more times by N.J. Gov. Chris Christie (I promise that's not a fat joke), John Boehner's super obstructionist Congress decided that it was probably best to fork over the necessary $9 billion in Sandy Aid. After all, did they really want their Voice-mails full of lovely rants from Chris "Hurricane Superfleece" Christie. But there was no way they were going to help out people in need without getting some meaty pork for themselves in return.
And, of course, there was certainly going to be a number of cancerous and craven jerks within the GOP who would oppose something designed to do actually good for other people in need.
Although the first Sandy Aid vote only approved the allocation of $9 billion in funds ($60 billion was requested), 67 Republican members of Congress saw it fit to ever-so hypocritically vote against the aid. Surprise, surprise: 37 of the 67 Republican obstructionists had no problem earmarking funds that sought to benefit their own home states following disasters. Do these Republicans really want to wake up the hulk living inside Christie, as they cause him to burst out of his Fleece. Once can only assume that they all changed their phone numbers.
All the blistering censure for Republicans came from another Republican, but it wasn't Christie - or at least not yet. Former U.S. Senator, Alfonse D’Amato (R-NY), sternly excoriated the opponents.
“They’re a bunch of jackasses. Every one of the 67 who voted no are nothing more than pawns of a philosophy that is not backed up by facts," D'Amato told The Daily News.
Here's a compilation of the 37 big, fat hypocrites courtesy of Think Progres.
1. Rep. Dan Benishek (R-MI): Endorsed emergency crop relief assistance after spring freezes.
2. Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN): Asked for disaster relief after flooding.
3. Rep. Mo Brooks (R-AL): Promoted relief funds after a tornado.
4. Rep. Paul Broun (R-GA): applauded FEMA flooding relief.
5. Rep. Steve Chabot (R-OH): Asked for disaster relief after storms.
6. Rep. Mike Conaway (R-TX): Asked President George W. Bush to approve disaster relief after storms caused flooding.
7. Rep. Scott DesJarlais (R-TN): Endorsed disaster funding after storms.
8. Rep. Sean Duffy (R-WI): Backed disaster funding after storms.
9. Rep. John Duncan (R-TN): Asked for a disaster declaration after storms caused flooding.
10. Rep. Stephen Fincher (R-TN): Endorsed disaster tax relief and touted available disaster relief funds.
11. Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC): Endorsed President George W. Bush’s disaster declaration and its resulting USDA crop freezing relief.
12. Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX): Pushed for a Bush administration disaster declaration to include more counties after Hurricane Ike.
13. Rep. Bob Goodlatte (R-VA): Endorsed drought relief emergency crop assistance.
14. Rep. Paul Gosar (R-AZ): Asked the Forest Service for immediate relief after floods.
15. Rep. Sam Graves (R-MO): Begged for a disaster declaration after flooding.
16. Rep. Andy Harris (R-MD): Backed USDA emergency relief during a drought.
17. Rep. Randy Hultgren (R-IL): Requested emergency drought relief from the USDA.
18. Rep. Lynn Jenkins (R-KS): Supported disaster declaration after storms.
19. Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH): Asked for a disaster declaration after storms.
20. Rep. Doug Lamborn (R-CO): Asked for disaster support amid wildfires.
21. Rep. Kenny Marchant (R-TX): Asked for disaster declaration after Tropical Storm Hermine.
22. Rep. Mick Mulvaney (R-SC): Personally took an SBA loan as part of a disaster relief program.
23. Rep. Randy Neugebauer (R-TX): Blasted FEMA for denying a disaster relief request after wildfires and pushed for USDA disaster relief for farmers.
24. Rep. Steven Palazzo (R-MS): Backed emergency funds for Katrina cleanup.
25. Rep. Steve Pearce (R-NM): Pushed the Bush administration to declare a disaster after Hurricane Dolly.
26. Rep. Tom Petri (R-WI): Applauded disaster declaration during a drought.
27. Rep. Mike Pompeo (R-KS): Encouraged constituents to apply for USDA assistance during drought.
28. Rep. Tom Price (R-GA): Called for FEMA disaster relief after tornadoes.
29. Rep. Phil Roe (R-TN): Urged a disaster declaration after tornadoes.
30. Rep. Todd Rokita (R-IN): Backed a request for disaster relief after flooding.
31. Rep. Ed Royce (R-CA): Called for USDA and SBA relief after fires.
32. Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI): Backed a disaster declaration after flooding.
33. Rep. Jim Sensenbrenner (R-WI): Backed disaster relief after flooding.
34. Rep. Marlin Stutzman (R-IN):Backed a request for disaster relief after flooding.
35. Rep. Mac Thornberry (R-TX): Blasted the denial of a disaster declaration amid Texas wildfires.
36. Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC): Endorsed USDA drought relief.
37. Rep. Robert Woodall (R-GA): Requested a disaster declaration from USDA amid drought.
The House is scheduled to vote on the remaining $50 billion next week.
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Michael Hayne is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for MSNBC.com affiliated Cagle Media. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook.