Share this
Twitter
Myspace
Digg
Del.icio.us
Reddit
Slashdot
Furl
Yahoo
Technorati
Newsvine
Facebook
Export PDF
Print
E-mail
Tags
BY CAROL ABAYA
NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
THE SANDWICH GENERATION
Question: "My husband, 73, has Alzheimer’s and recently has become agitated when we are away from home for more than two hours. I want to visit my daughter and grandchildren who life in California. We are in New Jersey. Should I take my husband with me?"
Answer: Probably not. A long airplane ride and strange surroundings can lead to extreme agitation. Then no one will enjoy family time, and you will not get the vacation you need and deserve.
Options include:
- Have a relative or a hired health care aide stay in your home so your husband will be in his own emotionally secure environment.
- Arrange for your husband to have his own ‘vacation’ in a nearby assisted living residence (ALF) where food, medicine oversight, ADL and other help are available.
Most ALFs want a two-week stay so the elder feels more secure. Many ALFs in New Jersey charge less than $200 a day for all services.
Even if an older person does not have Alzheimer’s, a stay in an ALF can be presented as a vacation in a luxury B&B. The caregiver, who always needs time for herself, can fully enjoy a vacation with no worries about the loved one.
Several years ago, I went to the Grand Canyon with a friend of mine who was primary caregiver for her mother who had dementia. At the time, the mother was in a senior residence. I remember standing with my friend, a retired geriatric nurse, at the edge of the Canyon. I knew she had not taken a vacation in awhile.
“How are you handling things?” I asked. Her answer: “You know I haven’t thought about her for the past two days!”
Everyone needs a break from heavy duty elder care responsibilities.
The Sandwich Generation is reader interactive. Questions are welcome. Contact Carol Abaya through her web site www.sandwichgeneration.com or via email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
Surviving spouse of reverse mortgage scams can be evicted
Long term healthcare insurance helps ensure top care for elders
Highlights of New Orleans dining and attractions
Highlights from 2011 New Orleans French Quarter Jazz Festival
More on seeking professional legal advice for elders
Seeking professional legal advice for elders
Plants and flowers can lessen depression for elderly
Tips for helping elders with aural or visual impairment
Egos can override reason in lavish funerals
Technology can help elders and their families communicate more efficiently
Building stronger relationships when caring for elders
Protect valuables and assets when caring for seniors
Mediation can help settle family disputes over elder care
Herbs can pose a major risk to your health
Dementia diagnosis is tricky — many forms are curable
Max Wallack
www.PuzzlesToRemember.org
However, your premise for not taking the person with Alzheimer's to California includes, "strange surroundings can lead to extreme agitation."
You then go on to say, "Arrange for your husband to have his own ‘vacation’ in a nearby assisted living residence (ALF) where food, medicine oversight, ADL and other help are available." Let me know the next time you take a vacation at an assisted living facility.
Wouldn't the ALF be a strange surrounding?
Alzheimer's caregivers face this problem all the time.
The airplane ride is the only big issue.
If the patient can adjust to an ALF, they could adjust to California. In addition, "this man" would be with his wife, the person he trusts most, and then with his family.
Most Alzheimer's patients love children. The granddaughter to me is the swing factor in the decision.
You might be tempted to say it would be rough on the granddaughter. You would be amazed how grandchildren see right through Alzheimer's and only see the person.
Alzheimer's patients do best when they are allowed to continue living their life. There is no substitute for the love of an Alzheimer's caregiver (the wife) and for the love of family.
There in lies the answer.
Bob DeMarco
Alzheimer's Reading Room
http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/