Cold hits elders harder

BY CAROL ABAYA

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

SANDWICH GENERATION

Question: I visited my parents the other day and found many bloody tissues in the bedroom wastebasket. My father says his nose runs and when he blows it, there is blood. He is very stubborn and refuses to go to the doctor. What should I do?

Answer: During winter months, the air gets very dry because the heat is on. This impacts nasal membranes and can cause bleeding. You need to get moisture into the air. Furnace-mounted evaporative humidifiers work best.

Alternatively, small unit humidifiers can be placed in the bedroom (a must) and other rooms of high use, such as the family or living room. Pans with water placed on radiators can also be effective. Unless bleeding is continuous, a doctor probably is not needed.

Question: I'm tearing my hair out because my parents insist on going out even during snowy weather. I'm afraid they'll fall and break bones as the garage is 40 feet from the house. I live 60 miles away and can't get there to shovel every snow. They won't listen to me.

Answer: Long distance "concern" and caregiving is difficult. To ensure a clean driveway, steps and sidewalks — and your parents' safety — you or your parents should make arrangements ahead of time with someone local — an individual or a lawn care company that plows snow in the winter time.

If your parents are on their regular" to plow" list, then snow can be cleared and your parents can do what they want to. The individual or company can bill either your parents or yourself.

You should give guidelines as to how much snow should fall before they plow. This is determined by how much your parents can safely handle themselves. My father handled light snow (3-4 inches) well into his 80s. Price should be agreed upon beforehand, leaving in flexibility for really heavy snow falls.

If your parents refuse to make arrangements, tell them you're concerned because accidents do happen. Then YOU should make the arrangements.

Question: We stayed in my parents' house at Christmas for three days. During that time my mother bathed only once. Her clothes stink, and she began to smell bad. She refused to bathe more and got mad at me when I mentioned her dirty clothes. She was never like this in the past. How do we get her to bathe more often?

Answer: During the winter, older people are more sensitive to cold. Their skin often becomes thinner and frailer and blood circulation may diminish. No one likes to get out of a tub or shower and feel cold.

While many electric space heaters are a fire hazard, there are safe ones. They are shaped like an old fashioned radiator and have oil trapped inside which flows around and gives off heat. By heating the bathroom before and during the bath or shower, your mother will feel more comfortable and is more likely to bathe more regularly.

The Sandwich Generation (R) is an interactive column. Readers should send their questions to Ms. Abaya via her Web site sandwichgeneration.com or e-mail her at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . Questions will be answered directly or in this column. The words "The Sandwich Generation" are trademarked by Carol Abaya.