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BY CAROL ABAYA
NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
THE SANDWICH GENERATION
The Sandwich Generation column is about sharing problems, solutions, but more importantly feelings.
The following is from a man who has been caring for his wife for years. His thoughts will be understood by every caregiver, whether a sandwich generation-er or spouse.
“I am 64 and care for my wife who has been stricken with Alzheimer’s and a mini-stroke. What I do for her is not considered a job, but a labor of love. I have put my social life on hold for as long as need be and have no regrets. I realize the dreams we one had are gone. Am I sad about this? Yes. But since this is the cross I must carry, I carry it proudly. My whole life is centered around her.
“Last year was bad for me. I was going through severe depression and battling PTSD. I have now overcome my depression.
“I was talking with someone from my senior chat group who went through the same thing with her husband until he passed away. She said something that really intrigued me: “Who cares for the caregiver?”
As a result of that statement, this man wrote the following poem and sent it to me to share with all other caregivers:
Who cares for the caregiver?
When we are lonely and sad,
Who cares for the caregiver?
When we battle bouts of depression,
Who cares for the caregiver?
Whenever we need a helping hand,
Who cares for the caregiver?
When we need a shoulder to cry on,
Who cares for the caregiver?
When we need to talk,
Who cares for the caregiver?
When we become ill because of what we do,
Who cares for the caregiver?
When we would like to see a movie or go to restaurant,
Who cares for the caregiver?
Last but not least,
When we need to vent,
Who cares for the caregiver?
For those who have not traveled the same road as us, you will not know what we feel.
Thanks from all other caregivers for sharing.
The Well Spouse Association helps spouses deal with caregiving in a special way because of the special relationship. It has 60 support groups across the country. You can get the name of the group nearest you from their website: www.well spouse.org.
Many of the care tips given to young mothers in relation to raising children are just as appropriate for spousal caregivers and sandwich generation-ers.
- Eat nutritious foods that help restore and maintain health.
- Make reasonable plans for how much you do in a day. Slow down.
- Exercise your body & mind to maintain physical and mental flexibility.
- Get enough rest so you can cope with life.
- Plan to do the hardest activities when you have the most energy.
- Take time to talk with a friend.
- Get medical attention when you need it.
- Have fun, everyone needs to have fun.
- Relax. Find a quiet spot. Have a cup of tea and close you mind to everything else.
The Sandwich Generation is reader interactive. Questions and sharing are welcome. Contact Carol Abaya via her website www.sandwichgeneration.com or via e-mail This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
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