newjerseynewsroom.com

BY CAROL ABAYA

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

THE SANDWICH GENERATION

Question: "My mother, 83, had a stroke and is now living with my sister. I live 75 miles away, so can’t visit often. Last weekend, I noticed my mother is very confused and has lost weight. My sister refuses to discuss the problems. I think my mother is being abused. What can I do?"

Answer: Elder abuse is, unfortunately, more common than we as a society want to admit. Some researchers say as many as 1.5 million seniors, five percent, are abused by their own family.

• Physical: Non accidental use of physical force that results in bodily injury, pain or impairment. It includes assault, battery, and inappropriate restraint.
• Sexual: Nonconsensual sexual contact of any kind with an older person.
• Psychological: Willful infliction of mental or emotional anguish by threat, humiliation, or other verbal or nonverbal abusive conduct.
• Financial: Illegal or improper use of an older person’s funds, property, or resources.
• Active Neglect: Willful failure of a “caregiver” to fulfill his or her caregiving responsibilities.
• Passive Neglect: Non willful failure of a caregiver to fulfill his or her caregiving responsibilities.
• Self-Neglect: Failure of an older person to provide for his or her own essential needs.Those typically abused have ADL (activity of daily living) impairment. They have trouble with one or more of the personal care abilities: bathing, dressing, toileting, feeding, transferring and incontinency. Depending on others for such daily activities leaves a person more vulnerable.
• Misuse of medication: Overdose or not giving it at all - can result in confusion. Malnutrition can lead to mental confusion as well as weight loss.

In your case, “active” or “passive” neglect may be in the picture. If your sister refuses to discuss it with you, then you need to give serious consideration to care options. If need be, move her out of your sister’s home. Depending on her condition, your mother might be better taken care of in a nursing home.

However, before doing anything, talk with your mother’s doctors and look for unexplainable bruises on her body.

Also, most states have special abuse agencies that specialize in these tough situations.

Question: My brother has POA for my father, 90, and refuses to pay anyone to take care of my father. My father should have plenty of money. What should I do?

Answer: You can discuss the situation with your father (if he is mentally competent) as well as your brother. If your brother still refuses to hire help, you might suggest to your father that he give you power of attorney.

If he refuses and help is still not provided, you can go to court to gain guardianship so you can control both your father’s finances as well as care.You can also demand a financial accounting of your father’s money and how your brother is spending the money.

The Sandwich Generation is reader interactive. Questions from readers are welcome. Contact Carol Abaya through her website www.sandwichgeneration.com or via email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

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