Start saying 'NO' to elder care demands: You aren’t Superwoman

BY CAROL ABAYA

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

THE SANDWICH GENERATION

Question: "I’m always running around — for someone else. I never have time for myself. I’m getting tired, frustrated and angry that no one thinks of me. I am not Superwoman. How can I find time to do what I want to do?"

Answer: It’s not easy. But you do need to put yourself on top of the priority list. Do only what you feel you can comfortably handle and look for alternatives.

Make a resolution that puts the “NO” word on top of your priority list. Identify the true “needs”, as opposed to wants” — of others. Do only those “needs” you feel comfortable with. Seek help to alleviate your time pressures and stress; and learn to say “NO” loud and clear.

Many years ago I came across a poem titled “Superwoman.” Because it is long, excerpts follow.

SUPERWOMAN DOESN’T LIVE HERE ANYMORE

LAST SEEN WANDERING AIMLESSLY

ON SOME FOREIGN DISTANT SHORE.

She Was So Busy Attending To This And That

I Don’t Think She Even Knew Where She Was At

She Kept Trying To Handle More And More

Seems, She Lost All Track Of What Life Is For

...........And Even Though She Was Tired

They Gave Her More and More To Do

Everyone Wanted Something

Some Requests Even Came From You!

And She Felt VERY Guilty

Cause She Couldn’t Get It All Done

She Got Tired Of Watching

Every One Else Having Fun

When I saw her last

she looked haggard and worn

from doing for others or feeling the scorn

Buying for others when her own clothes were worn

repeating the cycle every sundown and morn

.....Superwoman used to do it all

She’d WORK, CLEAN, COOK, AND SHOP

She’d Finish it ALL

and then she’d DROP!

We made her leave

She was getting too neurotic

Her life was too busy, too hectic, too chaotic.

Superwoman seems to come and go

I don’t think her vocabulary

Contained the word NO

But then one day she left

Without a warning or cry

Without a Sermon or party

Or a single goodbye

Superwoman doesn’t live here anymore

The lady here now still minds the store

SHE gets a lot of help:

She has time for fun;

She does what she can

and leaves the rest undone.

The lady here now seems to lie herself more

She doesn’t seemed chained

to every errand or chore.

It’s not that the lady doesn’t care

She just seems content with doing her share.

She realizes there isn’t time for everything;

so she decides what she can do.

Sometimes it’s business.

other time her spouse

Other times it’s the kids

And other times it’s the house

Sometimes it’s for herself

......Superwoman was everything to everybody

She attended to all needs but her own

The lady here now used to be a superwoman

But Oh, How much she’s grown.

Superwoman Doesn’t Live Here Anymore

NO.

The Sandwich Generation is reader interactive. Questions or comments are always welcome. Contact Carol Abaya via e-mail at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it