NOW THAT'S FUNNY
Adele’s voice was as strong as ever when she sang at the Grammys Sunday night, and her soulful sound brought the crowd to its feet in a long standing ovation. It must have been a triumphant feeling for the singer, who had endured vocal surgery and a long period of total silence.
The singer was advised by her doctor, Dr. Steven Zeitels, not to talk for two months following her surgery.
I can think of a few other people I wish would have this operation.
Last October Adele had suffered a vocal cord hemorrhage, which had caused her to cancel a 10-date sold out tour of the United States. She needed surgery to end the recurrent bleeding of a vocal cord, which was caused by a benign polyp.
Adele says she enjoyed being quiet. “I stuck to all the rules they gave me, and I’ve actually never been happier,” she told reporters backstage after her Grammy performance. She said the enforced quiet had been very peaceful.
Dr. Zeitels is not surprised by her strong recovery. He says that a vocal cord hemorrhage is not a drastic condition, or something that would end a career. In fact, he thinks that many non-singers, just regular folks, may have the condition and not even know it.
Maybe I have it! I yell at the kids, I call the dog, I sing with the radio in the car. Maybe I’ll need this surgery, and I, too, can experience the peace of not talking. I’m sure my husband would love it.
Just think … I wouldn’t be able to answer the phone. Someone else in this house would have to, which means no one would answer the phone.
I wouldn’t be able to yell at the kids - I’d have to get my husband to do all the yelling. I’d just be the nice quiet mommy and he’d be the mean dad.
The kids wouldn’t be able to hear me from another room, so they couldn’t just sit on the sofa and shout “Mom! Where’s my iTouch?” They would have to walk into the kitchen, and ask me, face to face. I would most likely shrug, because I wouldn’t be able to say in a condescending voice “Probably right where you left it!” Then they would have to hunt for it themselves, strengthening their problem solving skills.
I wouldn’t be able to help with homework. When they ask me “how do you find the area of a triangle?’ I would smile and just point to my throat like “I’d love to explain that to you, because I certainly do know the answer to that, but I can’t talk. Sorry.”
I wouldn’t be able to call repair people, or insurance claims adjusters, or people wanting me to volunteer. I’d hardly have anything to do.
I wouldn’t have to make boring small talk at parties or school functions. In fact, what would be the point of going to stuff like that? I’d just stay home and read or watch movies.
Adele won six Grammys,including the top three awards for album, record and song of the year. She is only 23 years old and, hopefully, has a long career ahead of her. According to Dr. Zeitels, her voice is completely healed. There is no need to think she will need any further repair.
But someday, Adele may get married. She may have some kids, and maybe a dog. She may have a phone that rings every 15 minutes. She might want to have this surgery again after all.
Pam Lobley writes the “Now That’s Funny” column. Follow her on twitter @plobley.