‘Dancing with the Stars’ – a spin off? | Movies | NewJerseyNewsroom.com -- Your State. Your News.

BY PAM LOBLEY

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

NOW THAT'S FUNNY

Celebrities seem to be everywhere these days. Since they lost their jobs to every day people in reality shows, they have decided to become every day people, too, and they've been jostling for spots on reality shows like crazy.

"Dancing with the Stars" is one example of this, and it's a big hit, causing all kinds of buzz about its voting practices, the winners and losers, and even inspiring gunplay in at least one fan. "Skating with the Stars" premiered this week, and we all enjoyed seeing Sean Young again. Skating promises a tantalizing amount of humiliation as stars slip and fall in sequined outfits. I like that as much as the next viewer, but I can't help asking, what's in it for me?

If stars are willing to contort themselves in all manner of activity — can they come to my house to do it? I've got some great ideas for reality shows, and besides, I could use some help cleaning up around here.

First up: "Vacuuming with the Stars". Let's see the smooth moves of Judd Nelson as he quickly switches from edger to overhead brush when he does the ceiling fans. Let's see him put the whole thing away in the front closet, attachments and all, only to have a couple of Boy Scouts with hiking boots come tramping through the living room, bringing in mud and mulch.

I'd like to see "Straightening Out Your Verizon Bill with the Stars." I recently had some billing errors to my account, and you would not believe the phone calls, the emails, the menu options which had changed! I would have paid money to hear Rhea Perlman or Patti LaBelle get on the phone with these programmed morons and tell them just exactly what they can do with their partial month cycles.

Dinner time at my house is frequently a morass of elbows, kicking, dribbling, gnawing, and talking with your mouth full. "Table Manners with the Stars" could be a way to coax my kids into good behavior. Send me that guy from "Belvedere" and let him show off his suave and dapper manners to my boys. I can envision a dine-off round in which he and the chap from "The Nanny" go fork to fork about the proper way to butter a dinner roll.

I want to see Tom Arnold and Magic Johnson in "Storing Window Unit Air-Conditioners in the Attic with the Stars". I am looking forward to Delta Burke in "Bathing Your Dog With the Stars", and I want to see Shelley Long in "Cleaning Your Husband's Dresser Top with the Stars". Maybe she can get him to throw away all those weird, crumpled receipts and stubby pencils.

How about we get the whole darn cast of Thirtysomething back together for "Cleaning Out the Pantry with the Stars?" There will be some charming, college-level bickering about the expiration dates of sweetened condensed milk, and then Melanie Mayron will do something adorable with my extra cake and muffin tins, I just know it.

Celebrities are desperate for attention, and let's face it, a paycheck. I am desperate for a little help around here. It's a perfect fit. All we need now are some qualified judges to moderate the proceedings — someone who isn't afraid to speak their mind or get tough with the stars when they slip up.

I hear Carl Palatino is looking for a job.

Pam Lobley writes the "Now That's Funny" column. Sign up for her mailing list at www.pamlobley.com.