NOW THAT'S FUNNY
Teresa Giudice, the table-flipping, "Fabulicious" New Jersey housewife, is holding out for more money to return for another season of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey." According to the website TMZ, Ms. Giudice is asking for double the salary she got last year, a cut of DVD and merchandising sales, and more freedom to make personal appearances.
DVDs? People buy these shows to watch again and again?
The contract negotiations are ongoing, and Bravo claims that Ms. Giudice is holding up the entire process for the new season. If her demands are not met, Ms. Giudice is threatening to quit, or at the very least, let her husband start driving again.
It seems unlikely that she would give up such a huge meal ticket. People are nuts for this show. In fact, there is a New Jersey Housewives Tour that fans can take, and it is already sold out through October.
The tour is not affiliated with the show, but was the brainchild of Celebrations Event and Meeting Management. According to the official booking website, a trip on the tour takes a fan to all the places made famous by the hit television series. Guests visit the restaurants, trendy salons, homes of the stars, and shops that have been a recurring part of the reality show. Then they enjoy a relaxed, four-course lunch at the Brownstone, which is owned by the husbands of Caroline Manzo and Dina Manzo, and a bit of shopping at Kim G's Posche. At the end, guests will be given a parting gift bag filled with "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" goodies and souvenirs.
The seven-hour tour is offered at $95, including lunch and the gift bag.
That does it. I'm offering my own tour. I don't wear gobs of eye shadow or skinny jeans, but I still know how to have fun.
My tour will feature juicy highlights of my life, such as driving back and forth between the middle school six times a day, doing sit ups while I watch the Today show, matching mountains of white athletic socks fresh out of the dryer, and continually picking up dozens of rounds of Nerf ammunition from around the house.
For lunch we'll have a banana and a sandwich made with organic baloney that I bought last week. We can eat it standing up at my kitchen counter while I make Cub Scout fundraising phone calls, or we can eat in the car while we drive to the bank and CVS. We'll meet my friend Adrienne at school and talk about the same two things we always talk about: what we're cooking for dinner and how hard it is to find pants that fit. We'll go home, hound the kids through homework and make an early dinner. Then we'll drive to the middle school again, listening to Screamo on the radio. I told you I know how to have fun.
My tour will cost $35.50. No gift bag, unless you want to take some Nerf ammo off my hands, which I would consider a personal favor.
I won't flip a table, unless I happen to be cleaning underneath it, which I must say is extremely unlikely.
I suspect Teresa Giudice will get her salary demands and be back on TV next season. When it comes to "real" housewives, she's just what the public wants.
Pam Lobley writes the "Now That's Funny" column. Sign up for her mailing list at www.pamlobley.com.