There's a drug called 'Charlie Sheen'?

BY PAM LOBLEY

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

NOW THAT’S FUNNY

It’s true. I saw an interview with the embattled actor Charlie Sheen, and when he was asked if he was on drugs, he answered heartily, “Yes, I’m on a drug! It’s called Charlie Sheen.”

Parents, were you aware of this? I thought I was up on all the latest threats to my children. Here in New Jersey our community works very hard to educate its citizens about drugs. Certainly, our local D.A.R.E. program and the health classes at school teach us all about drugs, their dangers, and how to avoid them. I know about pot, coke, meth, heroin, and alcohol. But this Charlie Sheen, well, that’s a new one on me.

If you are a parent, you know how hard it is to keep your kid safe. Threats from society are constant: violent video games, sexting, cyber-bullying, regular bullying, eating disorders, underage drinking, obesity, drugs and cigarette smoking. It’s exhausting.

I’ve barely recovered from the Four Loko problem. That drink used to combine alcohol and caffeine to potentially dangerous effects, and was very popular with college students. Because some deaths and illnesses were linked to the drink, the caffeine has been removed. So now, it’s just a cocktail in a can. Super. What could go wrong there?

Red Bull is another canned beverage that represents a hazard. The thing is loaded with caffeine, so, aside from making your adolescent talk even faster than they normally do, it can have serious side effects in children who have diabetes, seizures, or cardiac abnormalities.

Of course, regular soda is terrible, too. One a day and you’ve gained ten pounds over a year’s time. Like we’re not fat enough already.

The Charlie Sheen drug carries with it specific hazards related to delusion, selfishness, and piercing rage. The good news: it’s very expensive, so most kids wouldn’t have access to it.

The bad news: there’s a dessert called Kim Kardashian, and it’s practically free.

Pam Lobley writes the “Now That’s Funny” column. Sign up for her mailing list at www.pamlobley.com.