BY JOE TYRRELL
The cute couple at the heart of "This Means War" is trying not to let business interfere with their relationship, but they have trouble keeping important things private.
They've got the looks. They've got the threads. They've got the hair products. But drawing a curtain over public displays of malice, that's a problem.
For instance, when their CIA boss reminds them at the start of this movie that "this is a covert operation," they immediately shoot up a crowded rooftop hotel bar, sending thugs flying and women screaming, before inadvertently letting one of their kidnap targets plummet 50 stories or so.
It's not really FDR's fault. Why would it be, Franklin Delano Roosevelt has been dead for 67 years? No, the other FDR, the one in this movie with the unexplained initials. He had a hold of the bad guy's suit, but a seam ripped. This being Hong Kong, he naturally expected the man would have had a better tailor.
FDR sure does. He's played by Chris Pine, apparently preparing for a another GQ cover. Meanwhile, his character is under not-very-much-cover. FDR's espionage skill is that he's very handsome.
FDR's undercover inamorata is Tuck. No, not the guitarist from Tuck and Patti, nor one of the family of immortals. Not tuck and roll. Just Tuck. Perhaps it's a code name. As embodied by Tom Hardy, Tuck's espionage skill is that he's British. Also, he has tats.
Tuck and FDR: put them together, you still don't get James Bond.
What you get are boys who finish each other's sentences, comment on each other's cologne, and are each worried when they can get only the message on the other's cell phone. Call me. Really, call me. I'm worried about you. C-a-l-l me.
While Chinese authorities apparently are unruffled by rooftop — and street-level — carnage, the same can't be said for that hard-nosed CIA boss, Angela Bassett. Well, she doesn't use her own name. After all, she is a spy. She must have a code name. Let's call her Angela.
Her role here consists of walking into the occasional scene, every one with blue-screened computers reflecting off blue-tinted glass to match the boy's azure, cornflower and ultramarine wardrobes. Angela barks something blue-tinged. She then turns on her high heels and purposefully strides offscreen, toward the world of good acting.