newjerseynewsroom.com

BY PAM LOBLEY

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

NOW THAT’S FUNNY

Kim Kardashian is getting married this weekend to Kris Humphries. Mr. Humphries plays for the New Jersey Nets, so Kim will be moving to New Jersey.

Another New Jersey couple, Ice-T and his wife, Coco, are sure that Kim will love the Garden State as they do. Coco says, “She’s gonna like the seasons and the snowfall to the awesome springs here!”

Coco goes on to point out that the taxes are lower here than in Manhattan (nice to know there’s at least one place with higher taxes) and that Manhattan is just 10 minutes away.

10 minutes? Is that by helicopter?

I love New Jersey, too! Most of it anyway. Here, Kim, are some tips to you get acclimated.

• Don’t buy a house near a fire station: Much of New Jersey has small towns with individual volunteer fire departments, and some towns, like mine, still use an air horn – actually SEVERAL air horns throughout the town – to call the firemen in when there’s a fire. The fire whistle is so loud it stops conversation. It rattles windows. It sends the dog running under the sofa. Somehow, though, my kids sleep through it.

• Make sure get a big keychain so you can fit all your reward points tags on them – that’s what all we NJ housewives do. Shoprite, CVS, Pathmark, AC Moore … you’re not cool unless you have at least a dozen tags hanging off your keychain.

• Since you’re from L.A., you’ve never had access of public transportation. You can jump on a New Jersey transit bus and end up at Port Authority. Did you know you can travel from upper Bergen County to the Lincoln tunnel taking nothing but side streets?

• People like to decorate their porches and front yards. You’ll need haystacks and scarecrows for fall, an inflatable Homer Simpson/Santa for Christmas, Valentine cut outs taped in your windows in February, and giant plastic bunnies for Easter. I recommend a couple of decorative flags for the in between times: “Think Spring!” or Snoopy on his dog house work well.