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BY SALLY FRIEDMAN
NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
LIFESOUNDS
I recently found out on TV's talk-fest "The View" that what I am has a name: I'm a (gulp) "Brand Slut."
I blush to admit that I am not, and probably never again will be, brand loyal. I am not your reliable, steadfast consumer who sticks by a product and never wavers.
Oh, once I was. Once, I found exactly what I wanted and planted myself firmly in front of that product on shelves or racks. I was strong and unwavering.
But that was before manufacturers began messing with my loyalty - and my brain. That was before the advent of "new and improved" replacing tried and true.
I'll not soon forgive – or forget – the company that brazenly discontinued the wonderful shampoo with which I had anointed my hair for years – maybe decades. One day it was just gone. In its place was an upstart purporting to be that "new and improved" product.
I did try it. Hated it. And ever since, Brand Slut that I am, I select my shampoo based on price and whether or not I have a cents-off coupon to boot. I've learned that while all shampoos may not be created equal, I still have good hair days, when I see no one I know, and bad hair days when I basically connect with everyone I've ever known.My husband was a toothpaste loyalist. He came into our marriage with a semi-exotic toothpaste he had discovered in college, and he expected to live with it happily ever after. The man was devastated when his brand simply disappeared in the dark of night.
He mourned briefly, then reluctantly found another brand. It has been with him ever since, although frankly, it's had so many refinements – tartar control, whitening, cavity protection, mouthwash added – that it's clearly not the same product at all.
But I did not marry a man without principles. As long as that same brand name remains, he will purchase the tube wearing its label. My husband, you see, is a merchandiser's dream. He cleaves to products until they abandon him.
"But do you like it?' I once asked my husband who looked puzzled. Liking it wasn't really the issue. This is his brand – familiar, comforting, a staple in a world run amok with change.
So for as long as he can, he'll "stick," as they say in Blackjack.
Not me.
There was a time, not so long ago, when I wouldn't have thought of switching TV news channels. The anchors on our station of choice had become like family. Fact is, we saw a lot more of them than our cousins once-removed.
Then one night, I couldn't find the remote and was too lazy to get up and seek my station. So I caught another nightly news program, and I frankly liked it better.
My husband was scandalized, which is how it came to pass that the only two occupants of one house now watch the nightly news in different rooms on different TV's.
One watcher – guess who – is so corrupted now that it doesn't even matter what station she's tuned to at news time. It's downright indecent to be so footloose, but then we sluts have no shame.
I have not – repeat not – stuck to the same peanut butter brand that has been sticking to the roof of my mouth since childhood. Now I buy whatever brand's got the sale sticker. My daughters are horrified. They turn their noses up at my wildly-varying brands and continue to buy the one they were raised on for their own households.
But I notice that when nobody's looking, they still dip into the jar with a tablespoon and enjoy one of life's guilty pleasures. And brand be damned.
It's too late now for my redemption. I'm a sinner through and through.
Proof positive came last week when I openly and brazenly placed an off-brand of cream cheese into my shopping cart in a half-price sale. There was a momentary stab of guilt, a brief second of remorse.
Then it passed, and I walked to the check-out, head held high.
I'm a Brand Slut, after all.
And a proud one at that.
Sally Friedman is a graduate of the University of Pennsylvania, resident of Moorestown, and longtime contributor to local, regional and national publications. The mother of three has seven grandchildren and is the wife of retired New Jersey Superior Court judge Victor Friedman. She can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
