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BY PAM LOBLEY
NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
COMMENTARY
Like every other family I know right now, we are struggling a little in this economy. It's hard to pay all the bills, and even harder to contemplate the upcoming expenses ... braces for my seventh grader, furnishings for the basement my husband is finishing himself, a new side door that doesn't leak warm air in the winter. And then there is our debt. Why, oh why, did we ever take out a home equity line?
But I've been watching the news, and I know what to do. I know exactly how my husband and I can get back on track, get out of debt, and enjoy a cushy trip to Disney next year. We are going to cut Waste and Fraud.
I don't know why no one has thought of this before. Cutting Waste and Fraud is something that's been around forever, but is just now getting the attention it deserves. Waste and Fraud are tremendously expensive. They sap resources. They are a hidden scourge. Cutting Waste and Fraud will allow you extra money for the things you really need.
Here in New Jersey, we know all too well about Waste and Fraud: they are the cornerstones of our state budget. They are first things we build into any public project, and they are an active part of all government endeavors. Before we can fund the schools, or contribute to pension plans, or repair roads, we must first allow for Waste and Fraud.Of course, Republicans everywhere always talk about Waste and Fraud: it's pretty much their favorite campaign topic. But it has taken President Obama to elevate cutting Waste and Fraud to its true stature as a potential gold mine. He is going to finance his entire health care package by cutting Waste and Fraud, proving that Waste and Fraud are so powerful and pervasive, simply cutting them can yield 900 billion dollars.
I don't know about you, but my family could really use 900 billion dollars.
The first thing I'm going to do is assemble my family and make a speech. I will whip them into a foaming frenzy as I detail the shockingly wasteful waste and the criminally fraudulent fraud that has become endemic in our lives. Then, when they're drooling in anticipation of all that found money, I will lay out the new rules.
No leaving milk in the cereal bowl. Finish it, even if there's no cereal left. Eat your crusts. If you ate your crusts, you wouldn't be hungry again for a snack in 2 hours. Stop wearing pajamas once and then throwing them in the hamper; laundry costs money. Be more careful with your homework. We're going through way too many erasers around here. And for my husband: no buying new shoes. You must have 4 pairs of slippers, a few pairs of sneakers and untold numbers of loafers, work boots and trekkers in that closet. Dig around in there before you log on to Lands End.
As far as fraud goes, I'll admit that when I am at Target buying school supplies, I will also sneak in a tee shirt for myself or a snazzy throw pillow. I confess that recently at Shoprite I used some of our food money to buy a Wrinkle Cream with Retinol that PROMISES to smooth out my face. My husband has been taking our son to the guitar store lately to "encourage his interest in music". He bought our son a guitar ... and he bought himself two new guitars and an amp. This behavior has got to stop.
As you can see, cutting our Waste and Fraud will soon land us on Easy Street. I anticipate several thousand dollars a year just from the measures I have outlined here, and I haven't even touched on lunch money, haircuts and "educational" downloads to a cell phone. I suddenly feel so rich! I'm going out to price flat screen TVs.
Pam Lobley is a columnist and co-author of the book "You Definitely Know You're a Mom When ..." To read her past columns or get contact information, visit her website: www.pamlobley.com.
