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Relationship Advice from Dr. Gilda: Will My Boyfriend Leave Me if he Discovers My Secret?

gilda_opt_copy_copyBY DR. GILDA CARLE
SPECIAL TO NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
COMMENTARY

Need a quick answer to a relationship dilemma? Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle cuts through the fluff with her relationship advice in TODAY.com’s “30-second therapist” series.

Q: I have been with my boyfriend for about six years. During that time we broke up for a little while, and I became close friends with someone else with whom I never slept. That guy moved away, but after I got back together with my boyfriend, we still had contact over Facebook and text. My boyfriend knew we talked and didn't mind. The person returned to our town and I went to visit him. I didn't tell my boyfriend the truth because my mom convinced me not to. I spent the night there and slept in the same bed, but under different blankets, and I left around 4 a.m. Since then, we have not talked, and he got married. My boyfriend and I are thinking about doing the same.

However, it's been over a year, and I still feel really bad about it, but I’m scared to tell my boyfriend. What do I do? Will I lose him?  - Regretful

Dear Regretful,

People have two motives for revealing their past: to support their relationship or to sap their relationship. So what’s your motive, girl? You’re right to want to begin marriage with a clean slate; if your disclosure is based on supporting an honest union, great, but there’s no telling how your honey will react.

Also consider that your revelation may be an unconscious attempt to flaunt your desirability. My Gilda-Gram™ offers, “An insecure man stays on his toes when another suitor is at his lady’s heels.” Are you testing the security of your partnership? After six years, if the rose is losing its bloom, jealousy will not re-ignite the passion. Before taking any next step, ponder all possibilities and their ramifications. - Dr. Gilda

Q: I’ve been divorced for four years, and due to some serious financial problems, I moved back in with my very controlling ex. (I gave her the home when we divorced, setting myself up for my current financial crisis.) Because I am living with her, I have not been able to have a successful relationship. I am growing very tired of having to hide where I am living from someone I care very deeply about. Yet, I’m having a difficult time completely walking away from the property I invested time and effort creating as a retreat from the outside world. Now I feel very trapped (I do not sleep in the same room as my ex). How can I break these chains? - Grasping for Breath

Dear Grasping,

How “tired” are you really “of having to hide” your living situation from someone you allegedly “care very deeply about”? What kind of depth do you think you have if you’re not revealing your true self? You knowingly set yourself up for financial dependency and caretaking from a mommy figure you dislike. Is remaining and complaining your M.O.?

While you blame financial problems for returning to your ex, you also say you don’t want to “walk away from” your property. But you already did. So what is it, dude? Clearly, you don’t want to be alone! You don’t need a 12-step program to know how to “break these chains.” Simply, get up and get out. And while you’re at it, grow up and become self-sufficient! - Dr. Gilda

*** *** ***

Want Dr. Gilda to answer your relationship questions? Click HERE to send them in!

*** *** ***

Dr. Gilda Carle is the relationship expert to the stars. She is a professor emerita, has written 15 books, and her latest is “Don’t Bet on the Prince!”—Second Edition. She provides advice and coaching via Skype, email and phone.


 
Comments (6)
Hello i am Marian Hawkins from Uk,
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So viewers be wise and beware of fake spell caster, they are all over the internet. I will drop you the email of this powerful spell caster just in case you wish to contact him for help. drlukasspelltemple@gmail.com or you can call him through his mobile number +2347035014432
5 Friday, 08 August 2014 21:24
Kate morrison
Goodday
My name is Kate Morrison from united states, i am here to thank DR simth the powerful spell caster that rescue me from HIV AIDS. I was diagnosed of this disease in the year 2012, and because of this, i was very unhappy with my life, and i went into research on how i can get cured, i contacted alot of spell casters and none of them could help me rather thay scammed me and took away my money without helping me. All this period of my life, i was sad and unhappy so one day as i was in the internet a decided to sign in a friend guestbook, only for me to see was a testimony of a lady on how she was helped by DR lukas, so i was confused to contact him at the moment because i didn't want to be scammed again but after one week, i decided to contact him, so when i contacted him, he assure me that he will help me and i told him that many spell casters has also told me this but they all scammed me, he told me not to worry that he is going to help me, So i believe in him because all i wanted was to be cured, so he prepared a healing spell for me and told me to wait fot just 24 hours, after 24 hours, i went to the hospital for test and to me happines the test stated that i was cured from the disease.. This gladens my heart and everybody in the hospital was surprised even the Medical Doctor, So viewers DR simth is a God Gifted man and can help you to cure all types of sickness like HIV AIDS, CANCER, PILE, Kidney problem, Syphilis and lot's more. You can contact him through his email on (erazuaspellhome@outlook.com) or you call him +2347035014432.
4 Friday, 08 August 2014 21:23
Kate morrison
Goodday
My name is Kate Morrison from united states, i am here to thank DR simth the powerful spell caster that rescue me from HIV AIDS. I was diagnosed of this disease in the year 2012, and because of this, i was very unhappy with my life, and i went into research on how i can get cured, i contacted alot of spell casters and none of them could help me rather thay scammed me and took away my money without helping me. All this period of my life, i was sad and unhappy so one day as i was in the internet a decided to sign in a friend guestbook, only for me to see was a testimony of a lady on how she was helped by DR lukas, so i was confused to contact him at the moment because i didn't want to be scammed again but after one week, i decided to contact him, so when i contacted him, he assure me that he will help me and i told him that many spell casters has also told me this but they all scammed me, he told me not to worry that he is going to help me, So i believe in him because all i wanted was to be cured, so he prepared a healing spell for me and told me to wait fot just 24 hours, after 24 hours, i went to the hospital for test and to me happines the test stated that i was cured from the disease.. This gladens my heart and everybody in the hospital was surprised even the Medical Doctor, So viewers DR simth is a God Gifted man and can help you to cure all types of sickness like HIV AIDS, CANCER, PILE, Kidney problem, Syphilis and lot's more. You can contact him through his email on (erazuaspellhome@outlook.com) or you call him +2347035014432.
My name is jude,I have been through hell and pain,looking for a good and
real spell caster who can help me get my boyfriend back.I have been scammed
so many times,by some who claimed to be real spell casters.until i found
the real and great spell caster Dr omofuma who helped me,and solved all my
problems concerning my boyfriend who left me since eight months ago.and
after that i also took my friend along,who was also having the same problem
concerning her husband,who left her since five months ago,and the problem
was also solved by the same Dr omofuma. Cant you see! the real and great
spell caster is here,all you need to do now is to contact him when ever you
are in any problem related to spell casting.It took me a very long period
of time,before i could get this real and great spell caster.So right now is
here,and the best for you to solve your problems all thanks goes to Dr
omofumaspelltemple@gmail.com
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