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BY JOE TYRRELL

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

Grumpy? Dissatisfied? Have a vague sense of being mad as hell and not going to take it anymore? You've come to the right place.

In what purports to be the first "objective" study across the United States, two academic researchers have ranked New Jersey 49th in happiness among the states and District of Columbia.

Fortunately, New Jerseyans have ready opportunities to make themselves feel better by mocking those worse off: neighboring New York ranked dead last, with Connecticut just one place better.

And don't feel too good about yourselves over there in Pennsylvania, either, you're no better than 41st. Yeah, Delaware was 22nd, but how good would it do if people in Delaware actually gave any thought to being in Delaware?

All this was revealed by professors Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick in England and Stephen Wu of Hamilton College in Clinton, N.Y. Writing in the Dec. 17 edition of the journal Science, the two said they had examined date from a 2005-8 survey of 1.3 million Americans.

People's subjective self-assessments of happiness have been notoriously tricky to gauge objectively. In this case, though, Oswald and Wu said they correlated it with a 2003 evaluation of states by Stuart Gabriel.

He considered indicators such as precipitation, temperature, wind speed, sunshine coastal land, teacher-student ratio, spending on education and highways -- all of which should favor New Jersey. Unfortunately, he then moved on to National Parks, hazardous waste sites, environmental "greenness," commuting time, violent crime, air quality and local taxes.

Uh oh.

The results led to a rating of which states "should" provide the happiest living experience, according to Oswald and Wu. They were gratified to find a close correlation between Gabriel's ratings and people's responses on the Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System survey.

"We wanted to study whether people's feelings of satisfaction with their own lives are reliable, that is, whether they match up to reality - of sunshine hours, congestion, air quality, etceteras - in their own state," Oswald told the Associated Press. "And they do match."

Oswald continued that he was not very surprised, saying too many people think places like New York and 46th-ranked California would be good places to live, so they move there and create congestion and high prices.

Hmm, so let's see where Americans should want to live, if they had any sense.

Sunshine is important, the researchers say. Like a magic kingdom, Louisiana is the hap-hap-happiest place. Hawaii comes in second, for obvious reasons. Florida is third, OK, probably a heavy retiree vote.

Tennessee is fourth? Arizona, maybe as long as the air conditioning is working. Mississippi? Hey, wait a minute! Montana? South Carolina? Alabama? And let's go back to post-Katrina Louisiana.

It is time to re-evaluate. Among those happiness criteria, where is shopping? How about restaurants? Museums? Theaters? Education? Clubs? Business opportunities? Bowling? Things to do that don't involve skinning possums or 4:30 p.m. buffet lines?

Clearly, New Jersey (and those other states we won't mention) has once again been the victim of a vile cabal, skewed happiness criteria. It's just one more thing to be upset about.

Andrew Oswald/ Wu ranking of happiness levels by US State:

1. Louisiana
2. Hawaii
3. Florida
4. Tennessee
5. Arizona
6. Mississippi
7. Montana
8. South Carolina
9. Alabama
10. Maine
11. Alaska
12. North Carolina
13. Wyoming
14. Idaho
15. South Dakota
16. Texas
17. Arkansas
18. Vermont
19. Georgia
20. Oklahoma
21. Colorado
22. Delaware
23. Utah
24. New Mexico
25. North Dakota
26. Minnesota
27. New Hampshire
28. Virginia
29. Wisconsin
30. Oregon
31. Iowa
32. Kansas
33. Nebraska
34. West Virginia
35. Kentucky
36. Washington
37. District of Columbia
38. Missouri
39. Nevada
40. Maryland
41. Pennsylvania
42. Rhode Island
43. Massachusetts
44. Ohio
45. Illinois
46. California
47. Indiana
48. Michigan
49. New Jersey
50. Connecticut
51. New York

Joe Tyrrell may be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it