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However, if we say the outcome is bad for our happiness, pessimism can become discouragement, dismay, and disheartenment. These feelings are not a direct consequence of pessimism, as I have defined it. It is possible to be fearlessly pessimistic. If we can be a "cockeyed optimistic, can't we also be a "cockeyed pessimist?"

Beyond Self-worth

"I'm the New England man. I'm vital in New England." That's what Willy Loman said about his worth to his company in Death of a Salesman. Like Willy, when we find out we're not so vital, not the New England man, or the Director of Overseas Operations woman, or the family breadwinner for that matter, it often brings up questions of identity and self-worth.

The idea that we are worth something to ourselves and others can shape our path in life. But it can be a double-edged sword. When things are going well, we can thrive on the belief that we are vital to the success of an enterprise, to our community, our loved ones. It's part of what gets us up in the morning.

But when our sense of self and self-worth is based upon the roles we play, the objects we possess, our financial wherewithal, as well as our talents, capabilities, skills, etc., when those things begin to unravel, it's time to ask probing questions.

A good starting point is to find out what self-worth means to you. Self-worth is one of those concepts we all use, and assume that everyone knows what we are talking about. But we are all individuals with our own personal value systems and definitions of what being worthy consists of.

If you asked 20 people what gives them the feeling of self-worth, you might get 20 different answers. If you asked 20 people why they think others are worthy of their respect, you might also get 20 different answers. What would you say?

Once you know that, you can look into how your concept of self-worth serves you and inhibits you. Does your sense of worth inspire you every day? Or, have you set up standards for yourself that you can never meet? Do you celebrate your successes? Or, do you suffer when you think you've fallen short? Do your markers of self-worth really represent your values, your desires, or do they belong to parents, peers, siblings, spouses, and bosses?

If your definition of self-worth doesn't serve you, perhaps it's time to question the purpose of self-worth. Why is it a question whether we are worthy of anything ever? And what is it we are worthy of?

If we are talking about sheer cause and effect, that's one thing: I invest four years in college getting passing grades, then I am worthy of a diploma. But how much do I have to invest to get love, acceptance, praise, help, respect, affection, healing, happiness, health ... a fair shake?

Why aren't we worthy of all those things no matter what? Perhaps it's not even our job to judge our worthiness, but to be the people we'd love to be and gratefully accept the response of the universe.

The best antidote for low self-worth

Can we really boost our self-worth without changing our circumstances? Absolutely ... for one very important reason. Our self-worth was never contingent on circumstances to begin with. No amount of praise or success or validation can ever make us feel worthy, if we don't already feel that way.

If we had a fairy godmother that could wave a magic wand to give us everlasting self-worth, would we be happy? Or would we feel entitled? Self-worth doesn't create happiness. It's the other way around. When we love our desires – when we are happy with ourselves, in whatever circumstance we may find ourselves in, we don't question our self-worth. There's no need. We already have what we really wanted self-worth for – to be happy.

Wendy Dolber is an Option Method practitioner and owns Dialogues in Self Discovery LLC, dedicated to teachings in the Option Method. Wendy has been involved in Option Method training and consultation for over 35 years and was trained by Option Method founder, Bruce Di Marsico. She is the author of The Guru Next Door: A Teacher's Legacy, a fictional work based on his life and teachings. She welcomes all comments and can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . More information can be found on the company website at TheGuruNextDoor.com. For more information on the Option Method, go to OptionMethodNetwork.com.