BY PAM LOBLEY
NOW THAT'S FUNNY
Earlier this year, on Groundhog Day, a certain mammal crawled out of his hole, did not see his shadow (but did see a bunch of TV cameras and crew), and foretold an early spring.
Now some folks want him dead.
Frustrated with the winter that won’t end, Mike Gmoser, a prosecutor in Butler County, Ohio, has charged the groundhog with fraud. He lists the crime, a felony, as “Misrepresentation of Early Spring.”
I agree! And just for the record, I am hereby swearing off rodents for weather forecasts. However, many of us do get our weather from wild animals. Have you not seen Mr. G?
As reported by Reuters, Gmoser plans to offer Buckeye Chuck, an Ohio groundhog who also predicted early spring, full immunity if he testifies against Phil. No word yet on if all those old guys in tuxedos who pose for pictures with Phil will face any charges. I think they should be charged as accessories.
Spring is nowhere in sight for much of the country. The weather in Great Plains, Mid West and Northeast has been relentlessly cold, drab and snowy. Tom Kines, a senior meteorologist for AccuWeather and NOT a rodent, says there will be cold temperatures for these places right through mid-April.
Phil and his handlers could not be reached for comment. (He has handlers? Didn’t their jobs get cut under sequestration?) Usually when criminals are on the run, they go underground for a while. If he won’t come of his hole, we can get Dog the Bounty Hunter to go after him. Not the TV star… an actual dog. Any dog. Mine would love the job.
Trial date is set for February 2. There’s no guarantee he’ll show up.