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BY RHONDA BASSAT-RIVERA
NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
ASK THE WEDDING EXPERT
DEAR RHONDA: What is the proper way to hold a bouquet when walking down the aisle? – CAROLE IN BUTLER
DEAR CAROLE: The rule of thumb is that every bouquet – whether it be for the bride, bridesmaids or family member – should be carried by the bellybutton. The easiest way to do this is to relax your arms and hold the bouquet low (by your waist). Also, the bouquet should be pointed outward, not directly up toward your face.
Of course, make any adjustments necessary if the shape of the bouquet makes carrying it in this manner awkward or not visually appealing. For smaller "clutch" bouquets that many mothers and grandmothers carry, it is entirely appropriate to hold them in one hand with a natural arm swinging motion.
When I'm directing the ceremony processional, I always ask the women to smile at me so that I can check to make sure they don't have lipstick on their teeth, or are chewing gum. Then, I tell them to drop the bouquet lower. This way, the bride will have beautiful photos of the processional.While slightly humorous, the bridesmaids who appear to be eating their bouquets or singing into a microphone made of flowers are not the most attractive photo ops!
DEAR RHONDA: My son is getting married next year to a wonderful girl. My question is how involved in the wedding planning should I be? Also, what should I wear to the wedding? – NATALIE IN WEST ORANGE
DEAR NATALIE: Congratulations to your whole family! A wedding is such a wonderful celebration not just for the bride and groom, but also to mark the joining of two families. Take advantage of the engagement to meet and get to know your soon to be daughter-in-law's family!
As for your first question, you should be ready to answer any wedding planning questions that your son or his fiancée may ask you. Share your experiences and opinions with them, if solicited. Pass along any wedding traditions that may exist in your family when discussing the wedding with your son.
Make sure that they know you are up for any task that they may ask you to do, such as researching favors, helping with invitation wording or even selecting a florist.
Please note, however, that the common theme in all of my advice is to respond to an inquiry. Try not to offer unsolicited advice, as planning a wedding is fraught with many different stressors for the bride (and groom), and you do not want to be seen as a "problem." Remember, this is the time that you are forging a relationship with your future daughter-in-law!
Be supportive of the couple's decisions even if you would do it differently – so long as the choices are not in bad taste and won't offend anyone. If you feel very strongly about an issue, you may want to voice your opinion as they may not have thought about it from a different perspective, but try not to be offended if they continue with their original plans. This is a touchy area, but your wisest course of action is to be supportive, as this will pay dividends in the future.
For your second question, the old adage that the groom's mother should "show up in beige" does not apply in today's wedding world. You should find out from the bride the color of the bridesmaid's dresses, and the color that her mother is wearing, and select a color different from them.
Of course, you should not wear white or off-white/champagne (which "reads" as white in photos). I also recommend to my clients to avoid the color black, although many brides choose black for their bridesmaids. Other than those guidelines, feel free to select a figure-flattering dress in any color. You may even want to invite your son's fiancée to join you in shopping for it. When you are happy with your dress, you'll feel confident and happy, which will only add to the celebratory mood at the wedding!
Rhonda Bassat-Rivera is a wedding planner & consultant and the founder of West Orange-based Bride Ideas. In this monthly column, you will get answers to all of your wedding questions. Have a question for The Wedding Expert? Send Rhonda an email at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
