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This Thanksgiving, beware a turkey rebellion!

turkey112311_optBY BOB HOLT
NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
COMMENTARY

It’s almost Thanksgiving, which is a time when we like to get together with our loved ones and reflect upon those things for which we are most thankful, such as not having undercooked our turkey so we are not all suffering from salmonella poisoning.

We are thankful that the employment rate continues to rise for vital national industries like reality shows about dancing. And we remain thankful that New Jersey’s few remaining open spaces are no longer covered with political posters.

These are among the little things in life that we tend to overlook. And with these blessings, we begin preparations for our traditional celebration of Thanksgiving. In order to cook our turkey properly, we normally begin defrosting it around Labor Day, and cook it for the length of the Macy’s parade or the time it takes to play the final two minutes of the first half of the Dallas game, whichever is longer.

When we remember that we were too frightened to pull those giblets and guts out of the turkey’s butt before we cooked it, we are thankful that we are able to order Chinese food on a holiday.

Many of us have never considered this kind of alternative to turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. I’m not suggesting that we turn to tofu turkeys for the meal, but there is reason to believe that these birds are finally beginning to become offended. There actually have been signs of a turkey rebellion for more than a few years.

Just before Thanksgiving a few years ago, a 15 pound wild turkey began fighting back in Ohio. According to cbsnews.com, this bird chased schoolchildren and pets, trapped people in cars and left droppings on porches.

The bird may have been roosting in the chimney of a local elementary school, where it had been swooping on the playground. Wildlife officer Dave Shinko said he had gotten twenty complaints about the turkey.

Also, years ago, an Associated Press report on igorilla.com told about a disturbance at a video store in Batavia, New York. Nancy Arena arrived at her video store and found the front window smashed, with feathers and video cases scattered everywhere.

She called the police, and an officer found a young tom turkey rummaging in the science fiction section. Ms. Arena reports that the turkey’s first target appeared to be the hunting videos, which were scattered and had been defecated upon.Wildlife experts say that spring is mating season for turkeys, and this one may have been looking for love.

The United Kingdom may have sensed the turkey backlash because according to the Sun, one December saw the first ever Gobble Cup race for turkeys held in Surrey. Santa’s Little Helper was a 5-1 winner of the race broadcast live on the Internet from the Hurtwood Park Polo Country Club.

The losers were expected to be the main course for Christmas dinner, but event organizers saved all twelve runners. Despite this good fortune, a number of bettors were still calling for drumsticks after the 7-2 favorite Sure Thing stopped to peck the ground.

And there are places for these turkeys to go after they’ve received this second chance. Internet site adoptaturkey.org reveals all of the information about Farm Sanctuary’s Adopt-a Turkey Project.

This website lists adoption information, and includes pictures of its most eligible candidates for customers.

1.) Darby is quick on her feet and likes to dance “the chicken dance.”

2.) Victoria, from the New York shelter says, "A holiday feast that’s cruelty-free is one fit for a queen."

3.) Antoinette, from the New York shelter says, “Let them eat squash!”

4.) Nila believes the day will come when all turkeys and humans will live in harmony.

The majority of us would prefer to keep our wild turkey in our personal liquor cabinets, and a stuffed one as our dinner’s main course. And we are thankful that we have the option to celebrate the holiday with whichever meal we see fit. We are also thankful for our new reinforced storm windows in case the ongoing turkey rebellion cares to pay us a visit.

 

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