BY PAM LOBLEY

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

NOW THAT’S FUNNY

A new survey conducted in the U.K. reveals that people now believe middle age begins at about the age of 55. This is significantly older than middle age used to begin.

This is so awesome! I thought I was middle aged, but it turns out I’m not. I’m still young. Then why am I’m so tired?

As reported on the Digital Journal, an online learning site called Love to Learn polled about 1,000 people, all of whom were over 50 years. They all felt that middle age starts around 55.

None of the 50 year olds thought middle age started in the forties. Imagine that.

Additionally, these people felt that old age started around 70. So, that means “youth” lasts 55 years, “middle” age lasts 15 years, and “elderly” lasts … well, I guess about 10 years.

People, you can’t be “young” for 55 years. You are lying to yourself. And why are you so afraid of the “middle?”

How about we just say that middle age starts at 60, and old age starts at 62, that way you only have to be middle aged for a couple of years.

Technically, middle age should mean that are in the middle of your life. If you are breaking your life into thirds, and you live to be 80, then the second third of your life starts when you’re 28.

No one would suggest that middle age starts that young. I wasn’t even married when I was 28.

Truthfully, we think of middle age as the time you start to go downhill. It’s the beginning of the end. You are at or close to your career zenith, you have raised your kids, you have decorated the living room. The aches and pains begin. If you are lucky, your midlife crisis involved a trip to Europe or a new car instead of a job loss or divorce.

Nobody wants to be called middle aged because it sounds old. It doesn’t sound at all middle. And most people in middle age, including myself, will tell you “I don’t feel old,” and then go on to detail some feats to illustrate the fact that they are not old. For instance, they just biked across the Alps. They are learning to speak Russian. They still wear a miniskirt.

None of those things are true for me. But I play a lot of tennis, and I started a blog, so hey, those are young things, right? Right?

I cheerfully admit to being middle aged, though, because that terminology doesn’t scare me. For a young woman, I don’t look so good. But for a middle aged woman … I am a knockout!

Here are some ways I know I am middle aged:

• When I want to take an Advil for my sciatica, I have to find my glasses so I can read the label to discern the dosage.
• I can’t find my glasses.
• When I try to make an ice-pack to put on my sciatica, and the freezer door sticks, I complain about how nothing is well-made anymore.
• When I want to read People Magazine in the checkout line, I have to get my glasses. When I put them on and read the magazine, I don’t know who half the celebrities are.
• More than two glasses of wine gives me a hangover.
• I went to a couple of funerals last year, but no weddings.
• I can understand how someone might want to retire to Florida.

I read a wonderful book a last year called 'Fifty is the New Fifty,' by Tracey Jackson, which basically said that 50 is NOT the new 30 and we need to get over it. I agree that age is a state of mind, or a just a number, or any one of those clichés that comfort us. I still feel 28 most days. And when I see myself in the mirror, I look 28, too. As long as I don’t put on my glasses.

Pam Lobley writes the “Now That’s Funny” column. Check out her blog: Better Living Through Chaos! Follow her on twitter @plobley.

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