newjerseynewsroom.com

BY MICHAEL HAYNE

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

COMMENTARY

Good afternoon and all hail the President and Vice-President of the Free Market as they hope to outsource every remaining vital government service, sell off our roads and bridges to Donald Trump, and make sure the poor and elderly get a Papa John's coupon or Medicare voucher. Romney, by picking the Laissez-fairest and ultra conservative (mostly economically) wiz kid Congressman from Wisconsin, apparently cares more about not getting his feelings hurt by classic conservative columnists David Frum and Bill Kristol, who called the Ryan pick "a proposal [as] a test of Romney’s leadership,” than his own general electorate survival.

Romney, a complete and utter politician who irks die-hard conservatives more than gay marriage itself, instantly shattered that image into a billion little pieces with the selection of Paul Ryan. If time-honored conservatives were looking for sexy, then they just got freaking Angelina Jolie.

The free market for the elderly Wally Cleaver of politics is more than just the young Budget Committee chairman; he's the freaking intellectual and Washingtonian superstar of the GOP. Only in D.C. could a man who authored a budget that clearly places all the blame of bloated government spending on the backs of the working poor while awarding the super rich even more tax cuts (you know, the things that didn't create any jobs and actually ran up the deficit) be considered a superstar.

As the saying goes: if there's any way to balance out a ticket of a cold, out of touch patrician, it's with an aspiring cold, out of touch patrician. Although it seems deadly at first blush, Ryan could actually help Romney.

Mittens is decidedly trailing President Obama, and conservatives are justifiably nervous about the likelihood of an effective but bland running mate not giving Romney the adequate energy he so desperately needs. After all, the most recent polls, including CNN/Opinion Research and Fox News, have Obama beating Romney by 7 percentage points.

The selection of Paul Ryan, a man who many deem as the guy brave enough to take on the tough economic issues (again, apparently killing the middle class and the poor is being "brave"), should surely bring the Mormon Mannequin to life and close the enthusiasm gap.

Even more interesting, however, is the very fact that the budget hawk is now a part of two campaigns: Mitt Romney's and his own reelection in his state of Wisconsin.

No matter how many times the thinking class reminds conservatives that President Obama has actually governed very "centrist," he will forever be a radical Kenyan Marxist who was created by George Soros in a secret Saul Alinsky factory. So picking a man who vows to decimate Obama's "culture of dependency" and create sweeping entitlement reform, while shrinking government to the size of the Buffalo Bills trophy case, will certainly make conservatives no longer need their Viagra to get it up.

Michael Hayne is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook.

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