Technology can help elders and their families communicate more efficiently

BY CAROL ABAYA

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

THE SANDWICH GENERATION

Question: "My mother, 84, lives alone about 40 minutes from us. She is hard of hearing and often doesn’t hear the phone. It’s hard for me to go there every day, but we worry when she doesn’t answer. My sister called me to say she hasn’t been able to get a hold of my mother for three days. How can we be assured she’s OK and still help her maintain her independence?"

Answer: Get an answering machine that has a blinking red light when there are messages. Put it in a place (like the kitchen or a hallway) that she frequently passes. If she gets into the habit of checking it regularly, keeping in touch will be easier and less stressful.

Make sure the telephone sound level is at the maximum. Also, put more phones around the house, especially in the living/family room and bedroom. Having cordless phones make it easier if she likes to sit outside or garden.

And she can take a cellular phone anywhere with her. This makes a marvelous birthday or Mother’s Day gift.

A medical alert device (usually a bracelet or pendant ) can enable her to get help if she falls down or doesn’t feel well.

Question: "My father, 76, refuses to leave his apartment and come live with us. He lives 150 miles away, so we just can’t hop in the car and easily visit. We worry when we can’t reach him for a couple of days. Advice please."

Answer: Another example of where an answering machine with a blinking light can be helpful.

Also develop a relationship with his neighbors and the apartment super. Get their telephone numbers and give them yours. They then can alert you if mail, for example, piles up. And you can call them if you haven’t reached your father within a reasonable amount of time.

I did this with my parents’ neighbor, who called me every time an ambulance came to the house as my father periodically had mini strokes.

You should also contact your father’s electric/gas and telephone companies and have them alert you if bills aren’t paid on time.

For those parents who still live in their own home, contact should be made with the local tax collector and mortgage company. This way you can make sure all key bills are paid appropriately. Doctors are also a fine communication link, especially if the parent has a chronic condition that needs watching. Establish a dialogue, and make sure the office has your telephone number.

Question: "My mother, 77, has had a marvelous relationship with my twin daughters, who are now in college. She misses them and is getting depressed. The girls are in different time zones, so telephone conversations are rare."

Answer: E-mail can work wonders and everyone can keep in touch, at each one’s convenience, depending on her schedule. E-mail is easy, and many elderly people use it every day.

The Sandwich Generation is reader interactive. Questions are welcome. Contact Carol Abaya through her web site www.sandwichgeneration.com or via e-mail This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .