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TagsBY JOEY NOVICK
WHAT EXIT?
SATIRE
"Lexmora©, this little yellow pill, makes people feel the same way before and after it is taken," said Merck CEO Kenneth C. Frazier.
Lysusproteun (tradename – Lexmora©), is a prescription-only drug which addresses a wide range of ailments. These include nausea, dry mouth, vomiting, excessive sweating, headache, tremor, drowsiness, inability to sleep, sexual dysfunction, anal leakage, and severe gaseous bloating. For patients with heart problems or those with diabetes, there may be an additional benefit of addressing dizziness, tingling sensations, tiredness, vivid dreams, and irritability or poor mood.
The side effects of Lexmora© are nausea, dry mouth, vomiting, excessive sweating, headache, tremor, drowsiness, inability to sleep, sexual dysfunction, anal leakage, and severe gaseous bloating. For patients with heart problems or those with diabetes, there may additional side effects of dizziness, tingling sensations, tiredness, vivid dreams, and irritability or poor mood.
Ask your doctor about Lexmora©, if you have any of the above symptoms.
Merck is one of the largest pharmaceutical companies in the world, with its principal place of business located Whitehouse Station. In the past, they have received approval for such drugs as Gardasil (hpv vaccine), Cosopt (hyper-tension) and Fosamax, (osteoporosis). “It has always been a great deal of fun making up cool-sounding but confidence-enhancing names for our drugs,” added Frazier.
“We understand public concerns about side effects of new medication. So, we developed Lysusproteun (tradename – Lexmora©), — which is a little yellow triangular pill. Our internal tests indicate Lexmora© leaves a patient feeling exactly the same as before he took it,” noted Frazier.
Merck has requested fast track approval of Lexmora© with the US Food & Drug Administration, according to Frazier.
“Ask your doctor about Lexmora©, and then afterward, ask him again.”
Joey Novick is the Editor in Chief at www.whatexitnj.com.
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