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Jul 02nd
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‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’ work the bathing suits

rhonjmelissa092211_optBY AIMEE LaFOUNTAIN

“Get to the Punta!” looked at the various feelings associated with loss, such as sadness over lost luggage, stress over losing weight, and the emotional turmoil that ensues when someone loses her mind.

This episode featured the whole gang getting together and going off to Punta Cana. The trip was Melissa’s big idea. She figured that if she could get everyone together in the old vacation spot, the memories would overtake them and rekindle bonds. It’s a bit like Springsteen’s song “Glory Days”, but with more beaches and less sentiment.

All the housewives were busy preparing for their big trip, unpacking their kids from the luggage and bringing about 50 bathing suits each, half to wear and half to show your friends. Based on the variety featured on the show, the male equivalent for this behavior is with baseball caps. Another gender distinction: to the women, this trip would serve as an emotional retreat. For the men, it was sexytime.

The scenes in Punta Cana were a bit like reuniting with that old ex. You get all dolled up to show him what he’s missing and when you first reunite, things are nice and you get caught up in that warm familiar feeling. Eventually, though, something sets you off and you vividly remember why you broke up in the first place.


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The housewives arrived in Punta Cana all decked out in long sundresses, white pants, and big hair. The best dressed title had to go to Caroline, who strolled off the plane wearing aviators and her ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ shirt. That’s the way to set the mood; like coming home to Jersey for the holidays rocking an ‘Only the Strong Survive’ New Jersey tee shirt.

Of course, there were some glitches. Teresa made her contribution to the airline business by bringing 638 pieces of luggage and somehow one of those pieces was misplaced. Worst of all, it was the luggage that had her costume jewelry in it. Teresa was in distress over the matter and told her mother to pray for her, to which Joe Gorga retorted, “Don’t waste a prayer.” Hey, Joe made a funny! Good job, Joe!

Soon Joe was at it again, this time leading the pee parade along the side of the road while the gang was en route to the hotel. Melissa was disgusted by this, commenting, “You’re all from New Jersey and it’s so obvious! Have a little class!” But really this was right in character for the guys—if you’ve got the cajones to roll through the Dominican Republic in an Escalade, passing by run down homes on the way, you might as well confirm residents’ suspicious that the car’s passengers are dbags.

When they arrived at the Hard Rock Hotel, Caroline stole the show again. As they passed disco balls at the hotel, she commented that she’d like them for her house. Yeah, girl! Bring me back some disco balls for my place. My lava lamp is awful lonely.

The Manzo kids had their own villa and picked out their rooms Real World style, with the fist person to claim a room getting first dibs. This left poor Greg, who arrived last, without a choice. But Greg was more preoccupied with the “Evita balcony” and beelined for it to “greet his public.” Thank you, Greg. You’ve raised your gay standards significantly since last week.

Back in the 70s theme, next we see Teresa modeling some of her bathing suits, which prompted “oooh’s” from the guys and nausea in the women. The best suit might have been her Goldmember-styled suit, which was complete with gold shoes, or what Teresa called her boat outfit. With this, Caroline doubled over from a migraine and pondered spiraling into alcoholism. She then added that Teresa could wear a trash bag and Caroline would support her if it meant she would be done with the Teresa fashion show. (It’s too bad most men probably missed that comment, because they probably would’ve clapped when Caroline said it.) Speaking of bathing suit fashion: listen up, Joe Guidice. Boy George called. He wants his 80’s hot pants back.

Comments (1)
1 Saturday, 24 September 2011 14:04
Bridgett Gee
Joe & Teresa - STFU, really. You are both so damn dumb that I swear there is a 1/10 of a brain between the two of you. Teresa why R U so bitter & angry all the time, because U know deep down inside you are phony and UR husband is a thief, crook, bad father & husband (telling you to shut up in front of all those people???). U R so jealous of the others it is not funny, but why do you kiss Caroline's ass? If is obvious this season her and her family know U 2 R losers (who in the US doesn't?) Your sweet daughter Gia is a wreck; she has the weight of the world on her young shoulders due to you. U R a neglectful mother, yeah you heard me right. Your other daugher Melania (where the hell did U get these names? a soap opera?) is a total brat & is cut out of the same mold as you, I hope she drives you nuts in the yrs to come, you deserve it.

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