BY ANDREW LAGOMARSINO

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

With its towering walls of granite, beautiful waterfalls and exquisite hiking trails, Yosemite National Park is breathtaking.

And, unfortunately, along with all that beauty there are inherent dangers.

Like coming face-to-face with a big black bear and two cubs. Ughhhhh. (See Accompanying photo).

Ok…. I wasn’t close enough to pat the bear on the snout … but the burly creature was rummaging about 20 yards away.

That was too too too close for comfort.

Well, my son Andrew, the consummate musician and salesman who has seen his share of “wild life” in the Hollywoood Hills where he resides, quickly appraised the situation.

“I’m running for it,” he blurted out.

I said, “That’s crazy. You can’t outrun a bear.”

“That’s true,” Andrew said matter of factly. “But then again, I only need to outrun YOU.”

Just what I needed ... a jokester during a time of crisis.

The decreased oxygen supply at a high altitude of 6,000 feet must have made his brain a bit mushy.

Enter Lark Killelea, my son’s girlfriend, who hiked over the demanding terrain in fine style. She was reassuring and put my mind at ease when the bear looked our way.

Lark really impressed me. Not because she’s intelligent, personable and attractive, but because when she saw me struggling as I trudged up the steep jagged rocks toward the summit she graciously offered to carry my backpack.

Awwwwwwww. How sweet.

Speaking of sweet, I figured our group provided plenty of sweet, fresh, young meat to satisfy the bear and therefore an old, untasty guy like me would be safe.

The leader of our group was Sean Purtill, who was getting married the next day to the lovely Ashley Sipchen at the lavish Ahwahnee Hotel on the floor of Yosemite Valley. Sean is a mix between Woody Allen and Henry David Thoreau. He was ready to reason with the poor creature and use some psychotherapy babble on it.

There were even two “tough guys” in our hiking group, both Keansburg, N.J., natives who were watching my back.

“I saw the bear look me straight in the eye,” chided Sean Kennedy, who could also have disarmed the bear with his humor. Kennedy is a formidable corrections officer and handling violent inmates is his forte, so no black bear was going to disrupt his day.

Enter Mike Loconsolo. West Point graduate, Iraq veteran and Green Beret who is now a mover and shaker with Army intelligence.

Enough said.

The bear met his/her match, turned away, and we scooted on past.

*** *** ***

Startling fact: Nearly 900 people have died in the 156 years of Yosemite Park’s recorded history … ranging from hiking deaths, drownings, heart attacks, murder, suicide, disease, motor vehicle accidents. Whew.

Fatal Errors of judgment were the culprit is most cases.

So here I was, climbing the famous Mist Trail at Yosemite. Sure, the terrain was rigorous and challenging, but I had no idea of its reputation as being ranked among the Top 10 Most Dangerous Climbs in America.

At least 14 people have gone over the falls along the Mist Trail in the last decade.

None survived.

It's typically not the waterfalls or the cliffs that are the menace, it's the current. A typical deadly scenario - a hiker slips into the water and finds the current too strong to overcome, then gets swept to a regrettable death somewhere downstream.

“Most people who end up in fatal incidents at Yosemite played some role in their demise” says author Dr. Ghiglieri in his book Off the Wall: Death in Yosemite.

Respect nature. Use common sense.

Well, I conquered the Mist Trail, reaching both the Vernal and Nevada Falls. Our group climbed 1,900 feet, reached an elevation of over 6,000 feet and handled the descent back to Yosemite Valley. We negotiated 5.5 miles in around 4 hours.

Not too shabby.

But don’t call me Davy Crockett just yet.

I have hung up my hiking shoes for now and I will stick to trekking the easy and unobtrusive confines of Holmdel Park in the New Jersey wilderness.

*** *** ***

Just the Bear Facts:

15 bears were killed at Yosemite by speeding cars. … The black bear is the smallest of the North American bears. It is estimated Yosemite has 300 to 500 black bears over its 750,000 acres. ….Most black bears are not black, but are various shades of brown… A large male black bear weighs on average 300 to 400 pounds with the female considerably less … The black bear’s eyes are small and it has 42 teeth… A black bear’s front claws are about 1 1/4 inches in length, and it is the only North American bear that often climbs trees as an adult…. In Yosemite National Park, bear spray (pepper spray) is illegal … It was good to learn that black bears are mainly vegetarians who do not care for Italian food or people of Italian descent.

No. 1 Bear joke:

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They go back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor. Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher. Huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by this evidence of his sensitive side!

She turns to him, invitingly... they kiss...

After she has this intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, and they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it for you?" The guy yawns: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."