newjerseynewsroom.com

BY CAROL ABAYA

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

THE SANDWICH GENERATION

Question: "I quit my job because I have to take care of both my mother and father-in-law. Each live in a different area, about 20 minutes from each other and 20 minutes from us. I’m in the car every day running errands and making sure they eat properly and take their medicines. I’m exhausted, frustrated and angry. How can I regain my own life?"

Answer: You need help! Help in doing the chores themselves and in setting parameters of what you comfortably can do. Balancing life in your situation certainly isn’t easy. But you need to put yourself on top of your priority list. A few suggestions.

If your mother and father-in-law like each other and get along, sharing one house can reduce your driving time and the need for separate grocery shopping, etc. This living arrangement would also give the elders companionship. A three bedroom, two bath house would allow each privacy. A third bedroom could be available at such time as live-in help is needed or if one is sick for a short time and you want to stay over.

Also, hiring someone else to do basic chores will relieve your of the responsibility and constant running. they can pool their financial resources to hire one person to help both of them. Then you can return to work, especially if you really enjoyed your job. And if they need some financial assistance, from you income you will be able to help out while maintaining your own life.

For yourself, remember that regular relaxation is critical to your own health. Relaxation is not escapist. It’s important -- no, it’s really critical for yourself.

• Take time each day and do at least one thing you thoroughly enjoy -- even it it’s just sitting in a corner reading, doing a crossword puzzle, listening to music or knitting.

• Take deep abdominal based breathes. Five minutes a day will help reduce stress.

• Watch what you eat. If caffeine or sugar are “uppers” for you and keep you awake at night, avoid them from after lunch.

• Over scheduling chores is not worth the stress and can create major illnesses for yourself. Get help even if you do not return to work.

• Skip the mental replay of an incident or your situation. Thinking about things is not going to change them. Shut the mental door!

• Low impact exercise can be even better than aggressive activities. They help increase blood flow and also provide an atmosphere where your brain can go blank. A great refresher.

• Quiet down your environment. Turn off the radio and TV. Reduce the time you are surrounded by people, movement, noise. A mall on a weekday can energize; on the weekend, stay away.

• Meditation helps you become more in tune with yourself.

• Call or write a friend at least once a week. Go out for coffee, lunch or even breakfast and talk about good things.

The Sandwich Generation is reader interactive. Comments and questions are welcome. Contact Abaya via her website www.sandwichgeneration.com or e-mail This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . She does not reply to comments posted here.

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