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TagsEven if you're the ‘Stupid Monkeys'
BY BOB HOLT
NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
Labor Day has come and gone, and that means a large number of South Jersey's armchair athletes, its league bowlers, will be getting back in action. Bowling is big in New Jersey, and in a lot of other places.
The Bowling Proprietors' Association of America reported another strong year of growth for the industry in 2009. Bowling recorded its fourth consecutive year of growth highlighted by a 4.6% increase in consumer participation. Nearly 70 million people bowled in 2009 alone.
The BPAA also reported that bowling has once again ranked as the nation's top participatory sport and saw increased revenues, having more than a $10 billion impact on the US economy.
Bowling is a simple game. The whole family can enjoy it. There is no greater shared family experience than renting shoes worn by who knows how many people previously.
Archaeologists discovered what they believe are bowling pins-roughly resembling the pins used in today's bowling-in a child's tomb in ancient Egypt. Modern-style bowling originated in Europe during the Middle Ages, when bowlers began playing a variety of similar games with nine pins.Actually, reports on modern television showed that bowling dated as far back as the Stone Age, when Fred (Twinkletoes) Flintstone was a star for his team, the Water Buffaloes.
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Bowling certainly looks so easy in theory. You receive two opportunities to clear a setting of ten pins which are sixty feet away. How hard can that be?
It could be worse. Bowling could be scored like golf. You know, the other spare time hobby people "enjoy" so much. You keep on hitting that stupid little ball with a stick until it finally reaches the hole. I can shoot a seventy in bowling and a 150 in golf, but I'm told that in order to achieve maximum success those scores need to be reversed.
No, bowling is definitely not as simple as it appears. But it can be a pleasant night out for the relaxed league player, as the BPAA says. People are able to have a good time, make new friends, and leave the problems of the world aside for the time being.
Then the game starts, and you create a whole new set of problems.
Earlier this year professional bowler Kelly Kulick from Union made bowling history by becoming the first woman to ever win a men's PBA tournament. Ladies, please forgive me if I wasn't all that impressed by Ms. Kulick's achievement. Women have been beating me on a regular basis ever since I decided to take up the game.
And men also. My lack of skill transcends gender or ethnic boundaries.
I believe most league and professional bowlers alike will agree; bowlers aren't battling the opposite sex. They aren't even battling their opponents. Each player is fighting the same thing: the ten pins, and perhaps the lane conditions.
Every player develops their own strengths and weaknesses. My biggest weakness is when there are still pins remaining on the lane when it's time for my second shot.
I joined a Sunday night mixed league called In the Zone at Brunswick Lanes in Deptford, New Jersey a few years ago, along with three friends. My skill level at bowling will never be mistaken for standout pro Walter Ray Williams on the lanes. Someday I strive to have the sheer power of 1970s songwriter Paul Williams. But no matter. I play for fun.
That's an important point when you make a commitment to a league. There are leagues where skilled players can make decent money, and leagues where players of beginning or moderate skill levels come out for the fun of it. We came for the camaraderie. And, God forbid, to get better.
When you join a new league as a team, the first thing you're going to need is a name. After careful deliberation, intense research, and eventually flipping a coin, we came up with the name "Stoopid Monkeys."
Our team name is a trade secret: Stoopid Monkey happens to be the name of the production company of Cartoon Network's adult swim series Robot Chicken, created by Seth Green.
Try explaining that to somebody. In terms of general ability, let's put it this way: We're still refining our games. Many nights these particular monkeys would be found flinging their bowling balls in random directions and occasionally hitting a few pins.
But the Stoopid Monkeys have come to provide an invaluable service to their Sunday night mixed bowling league players. On most nights they serve as the team for the remaining clubs to beat, so that newer teams could gain needed confidence. The Monkeys are all about motivation. You know, making other teams feel better about themselves.
From their first season the Stoopid Monkeys had modest goals. They just wanted to stay out of the league's basement. The Monkeys are not without a game plan when they enter the arena. They enjoy playing the game, but they play to win. Our strategy relates to the team's handicap score in league play.
The object of awarding teams a handicap is to put all of the teams on a level playing field. The handicap total in our league is determined by taking each players' averages from the first three weeks of the season and awarding pins based on a percentage of the team totals.
The obvious Monkey scheme would be to tank the first three weeks of the season, and then pick up the pace, along with wins, after that. It's a plan, but it loses a lot in its execution.
Often the best games of the season for the Monkeys have come in the first three weeks. The pace drops off considerably from there, because we do have the tanking part mastered. Plan B involves paying off a "ringer".
Clearly it takes an incredible amount of ability to become a finely-tuned, well-oiled machine like the Stoopid Monkeys. It's also incredible that the BPAA saw as many as seventy million bowlers in 2009.
The BPAA also reported a 5.6% increase in the number of consumers who consider themselves frequent bowlers. I wonder if they have a percentage of the frequent bowlers out of those 70 million who bowled in 2009 who actually IMPROVED their game by playing that often. They have to improve EVENTUALLY through practice, don't they? Don't they?
Not that I'm referring to anyone in particular.
Anyway, the In the Zone Sunday night bowling mixed league is always looking for players. And/or teams.
Another bored board member of the In the Zone administration, Shawn Smith, is the best player on the Monkeys. That's kind of like being the smartest cast member on "Jersey Shore," but it still counts for him.
Smith, who was unwillingly pressed into service as league vice-president (his inaugural party music featured Southern Culture on the Skids) says, "League bowling starts at 7:00. Come out and have a great time."
The Monkeys will be there. You'll win a few games.
stoopid monkey!