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BY AMANDA GRIEME

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

DEAR PRUDENCE

October 23, 2012

Dear Prudence,

I have three children, 16, 12 and 7. My two girls, the elder of the three are very good students, involved in equestrian pursuits here in Hunterdon County, N.J. and have healthy social lives. My youngest child, a little boy, is a much different story. Although I was fortunate enough to be able to raise all three at home and send them to good schools, my son is a totally different child, altogether. Since he could walk, he has been VERY expressive. He dances, sings, screams, cries, laughs, runs, jumps… all very natural, but all at the inappropriate times.

His first grade teachers refer to him as a “behavioral challenge,” and have worked with him accordingly. He is very intelligent, yet not particularly focused on studies or playing with other children his age. He instead plays with imaginary friends and animals.

The school psychologist has ruled out a diagnosis of Autism, but thinks that he suffers from ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). We followed up with a child psychiatrist, recommended by his after school behavioral therapist. The psychiatrist has since prescribed a low dose of a relatively new once-a-day drug called Vyvanse (lisdexamfetamine dimesylate). Yes, it has worked at calming him and my ex-husband (his father) and his teachers seem pleased with the results, but I cannot help but think that medicating him is not the best choice. Although more focused with less emotional outbursts, he seems distant and disinterested. He is not the same little boy. Am I being too sensitive because I am his mother?

Sincerely,

HELP! from Hunterdon County, NJ

Dearest HELP!,

Please, let me start by saying… HELP!, WHERE IS YOUR SPINE? With all due respect, you are a mother! LISTEN to your intuition! If you don’t agree with medicating your little boy, then take him off of the drug, immediately!

I am not an MD, nor do I claim to have any vast knowledge. I simply write from what I have learned. And as a former educator, my experience with “behavioral” issues in students is that in order to communicate successfully with ALL children, the educators and parents have to approach the “issue” creatively. The child may not learn like the girl or boy sitting parallel; to try melding the child into something he/she is not, in my opinion, is a disgraceful injustice! The best educators and doctors I have ever had were those who embraced individuality with honesty and kindness, setting an unwavering example of great character.

Having taken many different medications over the years for similar diagnoses, I would NEVER wish the miserable side effects on my worst enemy. To think of a child, who has no recourse, being sedated by little blue and pink imagination slayers simply to make his behavior “appropriate” actually makes me ill. The beauty of children is that they are ruled by imagination and emotion; why would we, as adults who are supposed to know better, want to repress this? Just to make our lives easier… at their expense?

I certainly don’t know your extenuating circumstances, HELP!, but judging by what you stated in your letter, there are many things that could be exacerbating this scenario with your little boy. Forgive my redundancy, but I will point them out in the event that you will hopefully revisit them to reevaluate your initial thinking:

Your son is different from your daughters. A profound statement?

I think not. Please read that out loud several times.

“Since he could walk, he has been VERY expressive. He dances, sings, screams, cries, laughs, runs, jumps… all very natural, but all at the inappropriate times.” Appropriate times? What is more important to you; his well-being, or your reputation?

“Yes, it has worked at calming him and my ex-husband/his father and his teachers seem pleased with the results, but I cannot help but think that medicating him is not the best choice.” Think is the key word. If you as his mother think that it is not the best choice… then so be it! Again, listen to your intuition.

“…he seems distant and disinterested. He is not the same little boy. Am I being too sensitive because I am his mother?” Too sensitive because you are his mother? There is no such thing; distant and disinterested says it all! No child should be forced to feel that way.

Embrace their boundlessness; it is their essence! We all know, as adults, that growing up was difficult enough without added restrictions to our character.

Here are two websites that may interest and assist you:

http://www.earthclinic.com/CURES/adhd.html

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolutionary-psychiatry/201106/how-does-diet-affect-symptoms-adhd

Kindly, Prudence

p.s. – Have you ever read about Indigo Children? Perhaps this may be of interest.

http://www.namastecafe.com/evolution/indigo/reality.htm

Amanda Grieme, Author of NewJerseyNewsroom.com advice column entitled “Dear Prudence” - Life Advice to Help YOU Cope, New Jersey is a former English/Creative Writing Educator and most importantly, mother. She LIVES with Bipolar Disorder choosing writing and Radio as her catharsis and creative medium to help others. Her life experience with mental illness, self-medication and 10 years as an educator will lend listeners invaluable, often quirky life advice. Please check out her debut novel and radio show: