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BY MICHAEL HAYNE
NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
COMMENTARY
Professional YouTube Screamer and Tony Soprano-like Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie, has repeatedly shown he’s a totally unstable heaping pile of outbursts reminiscent of Nelson from The Simpsons and who shouldn’t come within 50 yards of the White House.
As a resident of New Jersey, the gargantuan governor makes Snookie and the entire cast of Jersey Shore look like the Algonquin Round Table. Whether the pugnacious Governor is screaming at teachers for wanting to have a stake in their futures and the future of public education, calling an Iraqi war veteran an “idiot” for caring about a potential university merger, or wanting to take a bat to a Legislator, it’s pretty obvious that Christie is a grown-up version of the oversized bully who used to steal kids’ lunches and make them eat dirt. So it's only befitting that he was selected to headline the Republican National Convention, which has largely been not about touting any of Romney's qualities, but rather, has focused on why Obama hates freedom, babies, and small business.
Here was Christie at the RNC:
"I believe we have become paralyzed by our desire to be loved. I say enough! Let's make a much different choice! Let's do everything that's necessary to make America great again! Our leaders should stop tearing each other down, and teach us to use respect over love. Impossible to cut taxes, impossible to balance budgets and do so while lowering taxes, but we did it. Our ideas our right for America and their ideas have failed America.They (Democrats) believe in teachers unions, We (Republicans) believe in teachers. It's time to end absentee leadership in the White House."
Although Christie's words and tone was so much less visceral (oddly enough) and combative than every other Republican speaker, his fiery and motivating words flagrantly belied his actual actions. For example, New Jersey has the 4th highest unemployment rate in the nation As NJ Assembly Majority Leader Lou Greenwald (D-Camden) told the Statehouse Bureau, "It's clear that Chris Christie's 'Jersey Comeback' is as elusive as Mitt Romney's tax returns," Adding, " he's spent so much time out-of-state campaigning for Governor Romney lately, perhaps he hasn't noticed that the only people feeling a 'comeback' under Christie are the millionaires and billionaires enjoying massive tax breaks."
But much like with Paul Ryan, the MSM blindly worships Christie and eats up all of his "Do as I say, not as I do"(Christie is notorious for using public funds for his own personal use and politicizing key government agencies by inserting his own cronies) false bravado like it were pink slime while irresponsibly ignoring the man's actual governance. As this comic/columnist previously wrote, only in DC and in today’s Republican Party can a man who authored a budget that clearly places all the blame of bloated government spending on the backs of the working poor while awarding the super rich with even more tax cuts(you know, the things that didn’t create any jobs and actually ran up the deficit) and not even poking the bloated defense budget be considered brave and serious.
Similarly, only could a man who angrily denounces public spending and implores public sacrifice would spend unjustifiable amounts of taxpayer money on meals, hotels, and helicopter joy rides he cannot afford, while ensuring that the wealthy (Christie's political benefactors) get big government while the rest of us get small-government that would make Somalia envious.
In the end, Christie's speech was essentially all about Christie's favorite thing: himself. In short, it was nothing more than fluff and partisan grandstanding to solidify his 2016 Republican nomination. The fawning and drooling delegates at the RNC know no better than to gobble up Christie's rhetoric like it was FDR fireside chat, but fort those of us living in the fact-filed world of Reality Town, we're not buying it.
Michael Hayne is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, Follow him on Twitter and Facebook.
ALSO BY MICHAEL HAYNE
'We Built This!" say Republicans in a stadium built with government funds
When I heard Gov. Christie say "What will our children and grandchildren say of us? Will they say we buried our heads in the sand... Or will they say we stood up... I don't want my children and grandchildren to have to read in a history book what it was like to live in an American Century," immediately I remembered it WAS STOLEN from a mid 1980s speech! Its recording was sold as a "business tool" to... Amway distributors! The distributor that delivered the speech is an all-American guy with a beautiful wife. He always spoke about how important she was. Simultaneously, he was carrying an affair with his secretary whom he eventually married after he divorced his first wife.
That distributor had said how our children would ask us "where were you?" if Amway was not going to sell enough door-to-door soap, which like Christie, he equated it with America becoming a historic memory! Do not get Governor Christie wrong. Unless a product or service is sold, nobody makes money. But America and developed nations have moved from products to selling services. Even the iPhone is usually sold with a SERVICE plan! And although the republicans are speaking about small business growth, most mom and pop stores sell tangibles. In the service sector, Americans must have a regulatory scheme. Regulations like mandatory health insurance do not target small business owners. Gracious Ann Romney may had told a "moral" tall tale of a restaurant owner who could not open another restaurant because he did not want to provide insurance for his employees, but the owner could have avoided health insurance requirement by having his lawyer draft a separate corporate entity for the new restaurant! Small businesses are capable of bypassing the insurance requirement, a notably un-Christian act.
As a resident of New Jersey, I am shocked at our governor stealing his speech from an Amway 1980s speech! Since the 1980s a lot has changed. By now, communism and also, a banking system that was more stable are distant memories. Back then, all the phones had to conform to the same wall outlet because of FCC regulations. Today, various cell phones unnecessarily have different connectors and batteries, resulting in more plastic waste and toxic pollution. We thank the Republicans for innovations that came with deregulation, although the Internet took off while the Democrats were in the White House, but we can do better with much needed regulation!
Governor Christie, if you want small businesses to become international service conglomerates, you need a national and an international regulatory scheme. Otherwise, you are still trying to sell soap door-to-door, while you are competing with China that can deliver its soap to U.S. households via UPS! And please, do not embarrass your self by reciting other people's anachronistic speeches!
When I heard Gov. Christie say "What will our children and grandchildren say of us? Will they say we buried our heads in the sand... Or will they say we stood up... I don't want my children and grandchildren to have to read in a history book what it was like to live in an American Century," immediately I remembered it WAS STOLEN from a mid 1980s speech! Its recording was sold as a "business tool" to... Amway distributors! The distributor that delivered the speech is an all-American guy with a beautiful wife. He always spoke about how important she was. Simultaneously, he was carrying an affair with his secretary whom he eventually married after he divorced his first wife.
That distributor had said how our children would ask us "where were you?" if Amway was not going to sell enough door-to-door soap, which like Christie, he equated it with America becoming a historic memory! Do not get Governor Christie wrong. Unless a product or service is sold, nobody makes money. But America and developed nations have moved from products to selling services. Even the iPhone is usually sold with a SERVICE plan! And although the republicans are speaking about small business growth, most mom and pop stores sell tangibles. In the service sector, Americans must have a regulatory scheme. Regulations like mandatory health insurance do not target small business owners. Gracious Ann Romney may had told a "moral" tall tale of a restaurant owner who could not open another restaurant because he did not want to provide insurance for his employees, but the owner could have avoided health insurance requirement by having his lawyer draft a separate corporate entity for the new restaurant! Small businesses are capable of bypassing the insurance requirement, a notably un-Christian act.
As a resident of New Jersey, I am shocked at our governor stealing his speech from an Amway 1980s speech! Since the 1980s a lot has changed. By now, communism and also, a banking system that was more stable are distant memories. Back then, all the phones had to conform to the same wall outlet because of FCC regulations. Today, various cell phones unnecessarily have different connectors and batteries, resulting in more plastic waste and toxic pollution. We thank the Republicans for innovations that came with deregulation, although the Internet took off while the Democrats were in the White House, but we can do better with much needed regulation!
Governor Christie, if you want small businesses to become international service conglomerates, you need a national and an international regulatory scheme. Otherwise, you are still trying to sell soap door-to-door, while you are competing with China that can deliver its soap to U.S. households via UPS! And please, do not embarrass your self by reciting other people's anachronistic speeches!