BY WARREN BOROSON

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

Who gets dad’s subscription to New York Giants football games – worth a ton of money? Who gets the little silhouettes someone made of all the family members? Who gets grandma’s expensive jewelry? Who gets Fido and the Chairman Meow and other family pets? What about liquor collections, gun collections, rare books, and other “non-titled property”?

A will may not specify who gets such property, with the result that the heirs may wind up fighting over trivial stuff – and expensive stuff. And the resentment may last the rest of their lives. A little planning, says lawyer John O. McManus of McManus & Associates in New Providence, can prevent a lot of hard feelings and family feuds. “Things, personal effects, closely-held assets and land can cause significant fighting among loved ones and oftentimes attorneys give hardly any attention to such items in the creation of legal documents,” McManus warns.

One sister threatened to sue her brother if he kept those family silhouettes – though she had received everything else. He never had anything to do with her for the rest of their lives. A brother whose older brother had inherited everything also cut him out of his life forever.

Here are some other unfortunate instances collected by the Minnesota Cooperative Extension.

A man’s older sisters decided that he, “being a guy,” wouldn’t want any of their parents’ cooking stuff, so they kept it all themselves. The man later on had a few daughters — and wished that they had inherited some of their grandparents’ cooking items.

In another case, a man married again — and in due course he and his second wife died. The man’s stepdaughter inherited all of the first wife’s personal belongings. The first wife’s children got nothing to remember their parents by.

In still another case, the children fought over something of no value: a 25 cent beloved old Christmas tree ornament.

Of course, what all the fuss and bother are really about is: who was the most loved? Besides, during a period of grief, people are not at their most rational. As the saying goes, where there’s a will, there’s a wail.

Ideally, of course, there’s a discussion among the parents and the heirs. The children express what they would like, and there are trade-offs. Perhaps they draw straws — or there’s a lottery – or something like it. Or they are given shares, like poker chips. Or a third party — the executor, perhaps, or the estate lawyer — makes the final decisions.

Why not specify in a will who gets (say) the Christmas ornament? Because to change a bequest would then mean changing the will.

But the will can refer to a “personal property memo,” which spells out who gets what personal property.  “Be specific in describing it,” advises McManus. And with such a memorandum, the bequests don’t become public.

What about hiring an appraiser? Then the tax authorities may require you to appraise everything mentioned in the will. But it can be useful when there are valuable items.

"When a family member passes away, you don't want to waste time and energy squabbling over things,” says McManus. “You want to support one another and celebrate your loved one's life. Planning ahead with a professional helps ensure that potential challenges with personal property, such as family heirlooms, are prepared for. Life's too short to damage relationships, needlessly fighting with the people who are supposed to be on the same team.”

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