BY JOE TYRRELL
NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
Yippie-ki-yikes.
As the newest and most needless installment in an unexpectedly lengthy series, “A Good Day to Die Hard” has a surprisingly apposite name. This Bruce Willis action franchise is dying, hard.
As it does, though, the star and distributor 20th Century Fox are determined to wring every last dollar out of their warhorse. The operating theory is that they can make more money with a gun, a smirk and infinite numbers of crashes and explosions than they could with just a gun and a script.
Listen, aside from actually being a cantankerous white male of a certain age, I enjoy Jersey-bred Bruce Willis, even sometimes when his acting is minimal. Let me also put on record that Moscow is one of the most exciting places on earth, and women named Irina are among the most exciting people.
So I qualify in all respects as the hard target audience to follow Willis’ John McClane to Russia, even if at this point the character is the oldest living active-duty police officer in New York.
Although largely shot in Budapest, with a side trip to Belarus, AGDTDH does make limited use of familiar Russian scenes. A couple of the frenetic yet enervating action sequences ostensibly take place in the Hotel Ukraina, one of the gothic wedding cakes that have shaped Moscow’s skyline since Stalin.
And relatively early on, beautiful Russian actress Yuliya Snigir unsnaps her motorcycle helmet, unzips her shiny black catsuit and emerges in evening wear. She is playing the requisite Irina, daughter of former corrupt oligarch Komarov.
Played by German Sebastian Koch, Komarov has apparently repented his evil ways so much that he is now the subject of a show trial by the current regime. Also, he has some mysterious file that the CIA wants.
As nothing resembling luck would have it, that is the point at which John McClane turns up in Moscow, repeatedly insisting that he’s “on vacation,” even when no one is asking. True to “Die Hard” genealogy, he is actually there on family business.
Remember, all this began with poor John McClane in a dither because his wife was succeeding in business and using her maiden name. It was the 1980s, and that was enough to make McClane’s grip slip on his masculinity, to the point where he had to shoot a lot of things and people and become a hero.
This time out, McClane has come to the big city to rescue his estranged son, a screw up of some kind. As the inevitably named John McClane Jr., Australian actor Jai Courtney (“Spartacus: Blood and Sand) participates in many scenes. His main contribution is that he repeatedly calls the old man “McClane,” not “Dad.” Look for him in the coming, "Die Hard, Dad."
As McClane’s daughter Lucy, who needed to be rescued in a previous installment, talented Mary Elizabeth Winstead shows up briefly and drives Dad to the airport. I hope Winstead was well compensated for this period in which she was not working.
At least these opening scenes reintroduce McClane effectively enough, provide a few bars of “Ode to Joy,” the theme used to more effect elsewhere in the series, and set in motion what looks like an explosive caper movie. Yes, things go boom, but there appears to be a plot. By the testosterone-sweat standards of this series, the McClanes even meet cute.
Shift immediately into an endless car-“tank”-panel truck chase through heavy traffic in which anything that can collide, get crushed or flip over does. When this arrives on cable, you will be able to watch a few minutes to get the gist of the scene, go the kitchen, make a sandwich and return in mid-carnage.
Like a passing meteorite, the pressure wave from this sequence flattens AGDTDH. In a way, that’s a shame, because having paid your admission, you should really stick around for the part where the baddies take off in a military helicopter, and the good guys boost a car and follow them to Chernobyl
While a certain German car company may be pleased with its portrayal in this movie, it seems unlikely even at top speed that the McClanes could drive 430 miles, cross an international border, and arrive at the deadly reactor about two minutes after their quarry lands. But, hey, we’re Americans, we’ll buy anything.
Viewers who happen to be shopping for hardware take note! That “tank” is a MRAP (mine resistant, ambush protected) vehicle. The huge helicopter is the “Miss Belarus,” because even beauty pageants feel the need to be prepared in case John McClane shows up.
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Joe Tyrrell may be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or followed on Twitter @ jtyrrell87
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