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My message in a bottle for my neighbor, the president

obama081910_optBY SUSIE WILSON
NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
SEX MATTERS

For the next ten days, President Obama will be my neighbor on Martha's Vineyard. He's not going to be what you call a cheek-by-jowl neighbor. Although we shall both be living in the same area of the Vineyard — Chilmark — we shall be separated by the Atlantic Ocean, Chilmark Pond, Tisbury Great Pont, South Road and legions of Secret Service.

Last year when President Obama and his family visited for the first time, I had already left the island, so I'm really excited have him close by this year. I must admit the chances aren't great that I'll actually see him strolling down the beautiful, wide beach that borders this part of the island, or find him at the nearby West Tisbury county fair, which is pulling in the crowds. I'm not going to rule out such a meeting, because some years ago, my youngest daughter ran right into Bill and Hillary Clinton on another Vineyard beach when they were vacationing here. (They stopped and smiled for her camera; we have the pictures to prove it.) But I doubt that summer lightening will strike twice for this family.

So I decided to be creative in getting a message to the president. Some people have written letters to him in the local newspapers. While strolling the beach, I fantasized that I would write him a note about an international topic that's troubling me, put it in a bottle, and cast it out to sea. With some help from the wind and tides, the bottle might wash up on the sands of Tisbury Great Pond, near where the president is staying. With some luck, it might be retrieved by Bo, the family dog.

Now I know this message in a bottle is a fantasy, but the subject on my mind is anything but whimsical.

The administration has not commented on the recent death by stoning of a young Afghan couple that had eloped to a safe shelter and wanted nothing more than to marry. (The story appeared on the front page of The New York Times.)

The Taliban had the "first public execution since their fall from power nine years ago, killing a young couple who had eloped," according to the Times. The couple – Khayyam, 25, and Siddiqa, 19 – had fallen in love despite her upcoming arranged marriage to Khayyam's relative, which she refused to do. They fled from their village in the remote corner of Kunduz Province in northeastern Afghanistan.

Family members tricked the couple into returning, and they were seized by the local Taliban. A religious court condemned them to death. Their punishment for "an illegal sexual relationship" was death by stoning.

Hundreds of men of the community, including Siddiqa's brother and the couple's neighbors – no women were allowed – surrounded the couple, who had sworn publicly "to love each other no matter what happened." Amid much festive cheering and shouting, they were stoned to death.

Siddiqa – dressed in a head-to-toe burqa that showed nothing but her eyes – died first. The source who reported the grizzly details said that the crowd was happy, because under strict Shariah law, "death by stoning in this situation is an appropriate punishment."

President Hamid Karzai of Afghanistan said he was "deeply grieved" by the killings. Amnesty International also condemned them, as did the local Kunduz governor's office. Their remarks are reassuring, but I've heard nothing from American leaders.

President Obama and Secretary of State Clinton have spoken eloquently about freedom of religion in the U.S. in connection with the Mosque location controversy in Lower Manhattan. But neither has spoken out about these barbaric killings in Afghanistan, where Americans are dying to supposedly encourage more democratic principles and a new constitution that would support women's rights. Surely, this tragedy would offer a moment for American leaders to speak up about ending violence against women.

I'm not naïve. I know there is evil in the world. And what is the death of one young couple, compared to the deaths of many military members and civilians from roadside bombs. I would tell the president that the stoning death of this young couple diminishes all women's rights, an issue he cares about.

For me, Khayyam and Siddiqa are a modern Romeo and Juliet: star-crossed lovers whose lives were destroyed by hateful adults. In Shakespeare's play, Juliet speaks these beautiful words when she discovers that her lover has killed himself after he thinks she is dead:

"[T]ake him and cut him up in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will fall in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun."

I shall remember these words when I think about Khayyam and Siddiqa, whom no one in high places seems to care about. If you are interested in making your voice heard about this tragedy, you might want to send a donation to Amnesty International at http://www.amnesty.org/en/donate.

I would end my note to the President by telling him that I've always admired how he speaks up for his young daughters and wants their rights and opportunities to only expand. Speaking out against Siddiqa's and Khayyam's deaths would be speaking out for all young women and men who seek the right to love and marry.

Maybe it's just as well that there's no way under the sun for a message in a bottle to get by Secret Service. After all, I really want the president to have a restful vacation and not have to listen to the likes of neighbors like me.

Susie Wilson, former executive coordinator of the Network for Family Life Education at Rutgers University's Center for Applied and Professional Psychology (now renamed Answer), is a national leader in the fight for effective sexuality and HIV/AIDS education and for prevention of adolescent pregnancy. She can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

 
Comments (1)
1 Friday, 10 September 2010 14:22
Connie Bowes
Susie,
Your story of this horrible stoning is so very moving. I feel the unjustness and evil in the event. You are right to ask our President to speak out against such atrocities as his voice will be heard. Thanks for writing.

Connie Bowes, EdD.
Human Sexuality Counseling Services
Malvern, PA
conniebowes@gmail.com
www.drconniebowes.com

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