newjerseynewsroom.com

BY PAM LOBLEY

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

NOW THAT'S FUNNY

You can get a place in Manhattan—if you’re alive. If you’re dead, well, there are no vacancies. The cemeteries are full and they won’t be building any more of them.

The New York Observer reports that there are no active cemeteries in Manhattan with underground space, although there is still some to be had in the outer boroughs.

In fact, the burial plots in Brooklyn and Queens are so hot right now… people are dying to get in.

I’ve often wondered about this. With America’s population constantly growing, and the buried dead of centuries past still hanging around, where are we going to put everybody?

Cremation is popular, but you still have to put the ashes someplace. Then you put a stone or marker down, and 50 years later nobody visits it. You can’t just move the markers and build over the bodies. Steven Spielberg taught us that in his movie Poltergeist. And if you were to move all the bodies, where would you put them?

Burial space is in such high demand that the New York Times quotes Richard Fishman, the director of the New York State Division of Cemeteries, as saying “We have people who would like to disinter Mom and Dad and sell the graves back to make some money.”

Dang! It’s one thing to take over Mom’s rent-controlled apartment… but, selling her grave? And put her… where?

If you want to end up 6 feet under and still stay in the area, New Jersey is your only real choice. Most of us moved here for the schools, but now, you can come for the eternal rest. At least you won’t have to worry about the property taxes.

I know people want an attractive final resting place, but when I think of tri-state area cemeteries, all I can picture are those old cemeteries that you drive past on the way to LaGuardia airport, or by the Garden State Parkway on the way to shore. Graves crammed together, with traffic raging by each day. What did those people pay for those plots when they bought them?

I’ve lived in New Jersey for 15 years. Not quite an eternity, but I feel I know the place. I’ve been very happy here. It doesn’t have the cache of Manhattan, but, if you’re dead, you might not notice.

For those New Yorkers who can overcome their horror of moving to New Jersey (after all those years of avoiding it!), look at this way. Your relatives will visit you often, because while they’re here they can do some tax-free clothes shopping.

Pam Lobley writes the “Now That’s Funny” column. Check out her blog: Better Living Through Chaos! Become her REAL follower on Twitter @plobley.

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