newjerseynewsroom.com

BY BOB HOLT

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

COMMENTARY

Owning a home is harder than it's been in years due to today's economy. Foreclosures and high unemployment rates have turned the longtime American dream into a nightmare.

But that doesn't mean owning your own home is impossible. Mortgage loans have been dropping to their lowest interest levels in years. You just need to have a solid game plan in mind before you visit a realtor's office. And then crumple it up and throw it out when you get there.

You remember back when you were young and in love. You said you'd live in a cardboard box with her if that's what it took to be together.

And you've grown accustomed to the cardboard box, because that's all you have remaining from the divorce settlement.

One is home upkeep. You'll find that the grass on your lawn does not magically disappear after in reaches a certain height. You will actually need to mow it.

A good rule of thumb to use here would be to cut your grass when it reaches either six feet high, or the height of the hammock you will strategically install between your two backyard trees.

Location is another important consideration. Chances are the location of your new home is not the best if the grammar school your children will be attending is located next to a Hooters.

Here in New Jersey, state law requires that Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins franchises are separated by no more than two blocks. And you will need to live close to a supermarket which enforces the ten items in the express lane rule strictly. By use of a taser.

You might also want to look over your immediate neighborhood before you decide to move there. If the local little children have happy hour at their lemonade stands, it tends to affect future property values.

And if your standard eighth grade student needs a shave and has a varsity letter in cockfighting, you might need to look elsewhere.

After you've decided upon your location comes the move itself. The moving process is an integral part of the success you will have in your new home. Moving is the second most enjoyable job you will face in your home buying experience, coming right after sticking needles underneath your fingernails.

Many wise people will devise a plan before they move, like organizing their possessions in boxes to form some sort of order. These people are currently living in cardboard boxes at their nearby landfill, because they failed to use mind altering pharmaceuticals before boxing up their property. Many times they later find their son Billy misplaced in one of those boxes.

You will quickly learn that the proper technique to moving is throwing out all of your possessions before you move and having new furniture delivered. It won't matter that you can't afford it because you can't afford your new home anyway.

To avoid that, you want a home that falls into your price range. You begin determining this figure with your annual family income. Then you add the Megamillions lottery prize that you know God truly wants you to win this time to that. Add both of these numbers together and you will still fall short of your desired home.

So doing the math, you remember that you bought your previous home five years ago for $149,900. Now you put it up for sale for about $169,900.

The first offer you will receive these days is $87.95. Here begins the negotiating process.

You will accept that because you paid $49.95 for your new home, and you consider that a profit.

No, it only seems that way today. But leaving items behind such as a washer/dryer in your former home can add to its market value.

You'll find that throwing in your old bowling trophy does not add to its net worth.

The final routine in buying your home is to pay the closing costs. Closing is a word derived from the Latin terms "walls" and "in."

Your job at closing is to sign approximately 1,137 papers and to write twice as many checks. Then you will receive your mortgage and hopefully have enough savings left to buy food.

But you now officially have your home.

And despite the problem the selling market has today, you will be pleased when you achieve your final result. You will be a homeowner. You're no longer paying apartment rent, and your money is going toward something. The vacation fund of the CEO of your mortgage company.

But you still have your home, and a piece of property you can call your own. And you've earned the right to pay even higher New Jersey property taxes. You should be proud.

I've heard the market for cardboard boxes is expected to improve soon.

Bob Holt can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . To read more from Bob, click here.