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TagsBY WENDY DOLBER
NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
Today I did a handstand in yoga class. That might not seem like a big deal, but for me it was a huge challenge. I mean, can't everyone walk up to a wall, bend over, plant both hands on the floor and throw both legs up over their head?
Piece of cake, right? If you're five!
Of course, everyone can't do handstand and most people could care less. But for me, it represents a breakthrough. Not just the physical breakthrough of getting my body of five-plus decades to do this. Handstand is an extremely beneficial pose, but that's not the point.
The point is, I wanted to do it. I suspected I could do it. But I was extremely resistant to it. I don't mind being upside down, as long as my feet are firmly planted on the ground.There was just something not-doable for me about throwing my legs up over my head. Would my arms hold? Would I hurt my back? Would I get dizzy? Or disoriented? Would the wall fall down? Who knows what earth-shattering repercussions there could be to turning my world upside down.
And therein lay the resistance. Is it okay to do something so completely different, so out of character, so - well, off balance? That's not me. I tend to be extremely consistent, solid, and dependable. Yet, I also love growth, as long as I can get my arms around it.
So with the help of my amazing yoga teacher, Dalien, I went for it. Dalien coached me with little incremental steps until I was able to throw my legs up high enough for him to catch me and support me in the pose. So I didn't do it alone, but an amazing thing happened – a transformation occurred.
I could see something that I never could see before. I could experience something that I had never experienced before: Me. In the pose. Upside down.
I didn't stay up long, but I knew I would be back. My body had learned how to be in a handstand. Getting up there alone would take more core strengthening, but I now could visualize the destination. And I realized that before that moment, I actually had no idea at all what that destination would be like.
Are you hiding your dreams?
Yoga is a wonderful example of how the mind/body connection works together, but you don't have to be a yoga practitioner to understand what it feels like to bring dreams to fruition. To scale whatever heights are in your sights at the moment.
There are so many areas of our lives where we yearn to try something different, but hold back for one reason or another. Whether it's a new career, a new home, or a new hairstyle, the way we move from where we are - to where we want to be, can be as smooth as glass or as paralyzing as quicksand, depending on how we think.
In my handstand experience, there were four things that helped me take my first steps:
First, I acknowledged that I wanted to do a handstand. Sounds so simple, but often when we are uncertain about our ability to do something, we bury the desire to do it. After all, what's the point of thinking about learning French when we can't even pronounce Bon Jour? What's the point of thinking about tap dancing when we have two left feet?
I used to have a list of things that I'm going to do when I'm eighty. On that list were all the things I'm attracted to doing, but feel I don't have the time or the energy or the motivation to do now. Things like playing piano, going to Rome, making a perfect pie crust and yes, the handstand.
We can acknowledge that we want things now, even though we don't quite know how we will achieve them. Knowing what we want is the first essential ingredient to getting what we want. There is simply no way around it. Have you ever noticed how much fun it is to fantasize about what we want? We love it. But for many reasons, those fantasies often stay in our dreams. We have become very good at burying our dreams in our secret hiding place.
That can be a lovely place and it certainly serves a purpose. But is it really our intention to have our dreams live there and never see the light of day? Wouldn't we love to bring some of those treasured hopes and dreams into the light sooner rather than later?
Second, I acknowledged my resistance and worked with it. Resistance is not a bad thing. It's our way of letting ourselves know that we want to stop and think before moving forward. The important thing is to separate the practical considerations from the emotional ones. Often the emotional response masks what is truly a practical consideration. For example, the emotional feeling of resistance, or fear, about being in a handstand, was related to my desire to be safe. We often use fear to make sure we do things that we are not really sure we will do. In this case, I was unsure that I would be safe if I was upside down. Once I decided that I would take care of my safety, including whether I was in physical shape to do a handstand, the fear dissolved.
Third, I acknowledged the value of incremental steps. Sometimes the process of realizing our dreams is the best part of the experience. It didn't matter to me whether I achieved a full handstand unaided. I was as thrilled with my baby steps as if I had, and I needed those first steps to move forward. Dreaming of writing a book? Start with a paragraph. A sentence. A working title. Dreaming of running a marathon? Start with a trot around the block. It's all part of the experience. Enjoy it!
Fourth, I asked for help. Sometimes we need help to achieve the things we want. In fact, I would say, more often than not, that is the case. So I looked for someone extremely knowledgeable, who I trust implicitly. I wouldn't have allowed just any yoga teacher to coach me into handstand. I have been studying with Dalien for a few years now. He is, in my opinion, one of the most gifted yoga teachers I know. Quite simply, I knew I was in good hands, that he wouldn't push me too far, or be too easy on me, and that he would know precisely how it should be done. Help comes in many forms. But in order to ask for help, we need to get in touch with what we want, remove the resistance and ask for it.
DALIEN, aka 13 HANDS, is a Yoga Professor at Montclair State University, Health and Personal development expert, Grammy nominee, author, Shaman / Sound Healer and Raw Food/Vegan-Vegetarian expert. Learn more at 13hands.com.
What all these steps have in common is that I was able to change the way I see myself. At the end of the day, that was the most exhilarating part of doing a handstand. Even upside down, I was able to see myself as strong and secure and fully in control.
Wendy Dolber is an Option Method practitioner and owns Dialogues in Self Discovery LLC, dedicated to teachings in the Option Method. The Method is a personal growth and development tool, and is not a psychotherapy. Wendy has been involved in Option Method training and consultation for over 35 years and was trained by Option Method founder, Bruce Di Marsico. She was his associate and close friend for 25 of those years. She is the author of The Guru Next Door: A Teacher's Legacy, a fictional work based on his life and teachings. She works with clients all over the world and maintains an office in Montclair, NJ. She welcomes all comments and can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . More information can be found on the company website at TheGuruNextDoor.com.