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Ted Nugent tweets of Aurora tragedy with usual craziness

hayneMichael080311_optBY MICHAEL HAYNE
NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
COMMENTARY

Deranged and sociopathic “one hit wonder” musician, Ted Nugent, who’s ironically more famous for his wingnut views than his actual music, brought his unmedicated ”don’t tread on me” right wing fantasies to his Twitter account. The brilliant writer of such elegiac and poetic songs as “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang” had these profound things to say regarding guns and the aftermath of the Aurora massacre.

”There were no assault weapons used in the Colorado shooting only universally proven sporting & self defense firearms," said Nugent, according to Media Matters.

How small is this man’s willy? Seriously, it must be roughly the same size of the right-wing nutjob’s Vietnam War record.

The armchair warrior went on to adulate the “brave warriors who saved lives” in his Twitter post, but then quickly returned to being a complete and utter a-hole.

nugent-aurora-1

First things first, Teddy. Having a room full of already scared and panicky citizens armed to the teeth with guns in a dark theater would result an even worse outcome, as anyone with a modicum of knowledge on sociology would tell you. Secondly, if the motor city madman were there, he would probably just piss and crap himself like he did to avoid actual fighting in Vietnam. There is a major difference between actually being an authentic warrior and doing photo shoots with an entire arsenal. Thirdly, the AR-15-style semi-automatic assault weapon that was used by James Holmes would have been illegal under the federal assault weapons ban, which sadly expired in 2004 since apparently walking around like you're about to invade Chechnya is way more important than people with all their body parts together.

It’s well-known that the National Shooting Sports Foundation is like the Frank Luntz of firearms and conveniently twists and squeezes the language to suit their agenda.

nugent-aurora-2

For example, the National Shooting Sports Foundation despises the terms ”assault weapon” and “assault rifle.” Instead, they prefer the term “modern sporting rifle,” which is tantamount to calling Methamphetamine ”Vitamin M”. It seems that even gun owners themselves find this cynical verbal gymnastics to be quite ineffective. And it seems that the AR-15 weapon that was used does fit the legal definition of “assault weapon.”

But all of this sophistry and semantic quibbling is utterly absurd since not labeling it an “assault weapon” implies that it is somehow less lethal. It would be like saying thatusing a screwdriver over a hammer to inflict harm isn’t that bad since a hammer is a heavier and harder object and could do more harm than the screwdriver. Obviously we shouldn’t start banning or regulating hammer and screwdriver purchases (sorry Bloomberg), but what we should be doing is taking a greater look at how we deal with legitimately deadly weapons of war (and that’s precisely what the AR-15 is intended to be used for, assuming you’re not hunting stray woolly mammoths). In the mean time, it’s probably best that we refrain from engaging in a Seinfeld-like exercise in quibbling on semantics following yet another heinous gun tragedy.

Michael Hayne is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook.

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Comments (9)
9 Tuesday, 14 August 2012 22:06
Patriot1
What was Ted's one hit? Actually, he had quite a few. Did he avoid Vietnam? I don't know the story on that. I think he's hypocritical to rail against drugs and alcohol when he's been known as a notorious womanizer, but I do agree with his views on guns.
8 Thursday, 02 August 2012 14:24
the voice of reason
The AR-15 expels 800 bullets per minute in full auto mode and was designed for the US military. Yes, full auto mode is illegal in the US but buying a semi-auto legal and modifying it to full auto mode is exceptionally easy. I agree that this article is poorly written and written about Ted Nugent's penis size is petty and inane and makes this guy a bad journalist/comedian/magician or whatever he claims to be. But if anyone on this forum believes that the AR-15 is merely a "sporting rifle" you are more dumb than Ted Nugent is crazy, and the guy writing this article is annoying.
7 Monday, 30 July 2012 09:06
Molly
Ted is right. I am a huge fan of Ted, but that doesnt mean I love everything he says ALL the time,.....but he's right here.
6 Monday, 30 July 2012 09:06
Molly
Ted is right. I am a huge fan of Ted, but that doesnt mean I love everything he says ALL the time,.....but he's right here.
5 Monday, 30 July 2012 07:56
Ad Hominem
Michael really? Penis size attacks backed up with misinformation. Anyone with a modicum of knowledge would realize you are woefully misinformed. Though it seems unlikely any penis is big enough to fill your cavernous vagina.
4 Monday, 30 July 2012 01:41
Sensible liberal
I don't think that anybody needs to have their gun taken away. However, I believe there should be mandatory background checks AND a wait period before a person may receive their gun. Any psychopath can go to a gun show or purchase a gun online with no background check. And lets be honest, what does a civilian need an AR-15 for? You would tear a deer to pieces if you tried to hunt with that. If you disagree with me, I'd like to hear your argument. Email me at anthony.cox15@gmail.com
3 Sunday, 29 July 2012 20:00
Magic Mike
Michael Hayne is so dumb he believe's pencils make writing mistakes and cars cause accidents.
2 Sunday, 29 July 2012 17:55
edbone
i can't believe i wasted my time reading this. you are clueless about ted nugent and more clueless about gun control. nugent was not a one hit wonder and gun laws are ineffective.
1 Sunday, 29 July 2012 14:46
AlwaysRIGHT
Boy, you sure are clueless about guns and the effects of gun laws! I don't know where to start. Hey, I know, did you hear the story back in April in Aurora, where another imbecile with the intent to kill a lot of people was "taken out" almost immediately and there weren't 70 people injured and there weren't 12 people killed? No, you didn't. Because although it is a true story, the media didn't bother reporting it.... because, they, like you, are hell-bent on your theory that guns are bad. (FACT: Guns were used 2.5 million times a year in self-defense) And you're also clueless about gun control and its impact. It merely takes the guns out of the hands of law-abiding people.

Btw, most of the damage done by this a-hole in Aurora was done with the number one pheasant shotgun in the world, a Remington 870. His AR‑15 Smith & Wesson rifle is now the most popular sporting rifle in America. It is the number one competition, number one in self‑defense, it’s the number one sporting rifle for big game and small game.

But back to teaching you about guns and gun control. I noticed how, rather than refuting Nugent with facts, you jumped immediately to making a joke about penis size. Is that all ya got? No facts? Oh, and then you spewed nonsense about Nugent supposedly pissing/crapping on himself to avoid being drafted for Vietnam - a made-up story, untrue. I know you didn't make it up - you read it - I've read it, too, but i've also seen him interviewed and he dispelled that myth. By the way, Nugent is a deputized sheriff and has spoken at the graduation ceremonies for the FBI, he has served on the Board of D's of NRA, and i could go on and on.

Btw, what do all these shooting sprees have in common - churches, Columbine, movie theatre, Virginia Tech, and others? They all took place in gun-free zones. Hmmm, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that a gun-free zone is perfect place for a criminal to go beserk without the fear of anyone being able to defend themselves. When will you liberals understand that? Perhaps if you were cowering on the floor as bullets flew around you in that theatre, it might dawn on you that you wished you or someone around you had a gun.

Perhaps my comments aren't written as eloquently or tactfully as Thomas Jefferson, but I've been saying the same thing as he said! Criminals don't obey laws...

“Laws that forbid the carrying of arms disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes. Such laws make things worse for the assaulted and better for the assailants; they serve rather to encourage than to prevent homicides, for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man.” - Thomas Jefferson

I suppose in your infinite wisdom and intelligence on this subject will jump right in and say Jefferson had a small dick, too. You liberals aren't very good at debates, are you?

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