newjerseynewsroom.com

BY STEPHEN SCHIMMEL

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

COMMENTARY

History tends to come abruptly. It unfolds unexpectedly and happens without warning. That's why it's hard to remember another moment in sports, or any other type of history, that compares to last night's ESPN premier of All My Children with LeBron James. The soap opera that was James' Free Agency Tour 2010 was a last-second shot that we've all watched travel toward the hoop for the past three years.

The former Cleveland Cavalier and reigning two-time NBA MVP kept us all watching his every move, over-analyzing every chin scratch and phone conference along the way, as six different teams vied for the opportunity to give him more money than any member of the Boys and Girls Club can even fathom. Never before has an NBA free agent been so heavily sought after, and with what appears now to be the result of calculated maneuvering, the 25-year-old Olympic Champion kept us all guessing every step along the way.

In what is sure to be remembered for years to come as either a brilliant marketing ploy or a narcissistic display of self-importance, James managed to manipulate us all one last time in an hour-long ESPN special dubbed "The Decision," (or was it Sophie's Choice) in which he planned to tell the world what team he would be joining this fall.

As James sat poised in front of sporadic camera flashes, awe-inspired children and a nation of locked eyes, it became clear that he was building toward a moment — a moment that the all-star circled on his calendar after re-signing with the Cavaliers three years ago and a moment that he intended to milk for all it was worth. But what kind of moment would it be? Not even Jim Gray, who James hand-picked for the interview, seemed to know, and with a platter of cities to choose from, James was in line to write his own ending.

Unfortunately, if last night proved anything, I think it's that LeBron James writes children's books for the Taliban... which explains why they're so mad.

When James, who was originally rumored to be considering the Cavaliers, New York Knicks, New Jersey Nets, Chicago Bulls, Los Angeles Clippers and Miami Heat, announced that he'd be joining fellow All-stars Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh on South Beach, he rewrote every Disney classic that I watched growing up.

My favorite moment of Michael Jordan's 1996 classic, Space Jam, is when Jordan decides that his squad of Looney Tune all-stars can't compete with the goonish Monstars, and surprisingly, he chooses to switch teams in favor of the evil alien squad. The aliens, led by Jordan, then crushed the Tunes, and held the losers captive in mutant alligator-infested chambers for all of eternity.

And what about Rocky 4? Remember when Russian brute, Ivan Drago sent Apollo Creed to an early grave with one resounding hook? My favorite part growing up was when Rocky decided that he'd had enough and left the country to join Anna Chapman and Cynthia Murphy as anti-America Russian spies. Together, the three gathered enough information to develop a nuclear bomb that spewed sharks into the air as it passed by enemies.

Oh, and what about the Lion King? Remember when Scar killed Mufasa, leaving baby cub Simba behind to fend for himself in a cruel, cruel jungle? Simba decided that he wasn't up to the challenge, and instead, joined forces with his father's killer before taking over the animal kingdom with the use of sophisticated weaponry and the threat of swine flu.

What, don't you remember those classic storybook endings? If not, you must have missed the "LeBron James presents" versions of all three, but sources close to the Taliban have hinted that all three are available online, so keep looking.

In the meantime, consider James' decision to join the Heat as the real-life reenactment of his cult-classic big-screen hits.

Why? Because he joined the Heat, a squad of Monstars, Ivan Dragos and Scars set to take the NBA by storm. It's no secret that both the Knicks and Nets were in hot pursuit of James, but the fact that he didn't choose to come play on either side of the Hudson isn't what turned James into New York's (and sports') biggest villain overnight.

Re-signing with the Cavs would have been a nice story — similar to the more commonly-known version of Space Jam when Michael Jordan decided to put his wellbeing on the line in an unprecedented showcase of guts and loyalty by playing with an overmatched Looney Tune squad. Of course, it's not fair to compare LeBron to Michael Jordan — the real-life version or the Space Jam version — but it's hard to imagine Knicks or Nets fans disowning the former fan-favorite for sticking around his home city to lift Akron, Ohio to the level he once promised to get it to. Instead, we see images of fans burning James jerseys and mobbing the streets of Cleveland to display their extreme dissatisfaction with their former hero.

Going to the Bulls or Clippers, while not the Disney ending that Mickey Mouse has come to expect, would at least be widely accepted by Knicks and Nets fans alike because of the challenges that both situations would have presented ---Chicago has gone 82-82 in the past two seasons and hasn't won since Jordan retired from basketball for the second time; the Clippers will always play second-fiddle to the Los Angeles Lakers and have never won a championship. Neither spot would have brought a guaranteed title and the "King" still would have had an uphill climb toward his first NBA ring.

Instead, James joined the one team active pursuing him that fans will never forgive him for: the Miami Heat. And it's not hard to understand the general displeasure. Together, the three newest members of the heat — James, Bosh and Wade — account for 17 NBA All-Star appearances. Combined, their 2010 scoring averages represent 80.1 points per game — less than 13 points fewer than the 92.37 points per game that the entire Nets squad averaged last year.

Simply put, the new-look Miami Heat represent everything wrong with the NBA: a team built around superstars that may or may not have enough money to fill out an NBA roster — and they are still going to win.

As a result, James put up a wall between himself and his fans that he will never be able to knock down. Never again will James walk into MSG or Yankee Stadium to a standing ovation. Never again will he walk into any NBA arena, outside of the Miami's America Airlines Arena (and possibly his first trip back to Cleveland's Quicken Loans Arena — should be interesting) to a chorus of resounding adoration.

The LeBron James that the NBA once knew retired last night. Perhaps he saw one too many movies.