newjerseynewsroom.com

BY CAROL ABAYA

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

THE SANDWICH GENERATION

Many people are very private when money is involved. Many will not even discuss money with a spouse or children. These are actual stories from worried family members.

Question: "Both my parents are in the hospital. My name is not on their bank accounts. How can I pay their bills?"

Answer: You need to identify every bank in which they have an account and get the bank account cards. Take the cards to the hospital, and in front of a Notary Public (which the hospital will have available) and have them sign each card.

Question: "My husband, 68, has had a stroke, is in a coma and needs special nursing care. I’m told I cannot sell our summer house. Why not? I own it with him."

Answer: Even though you jointly own the home, he must sign the sales contract and deed transfer. If he is in a coma he obviously cannot sign. So, unless you have Power of Attorney no sale!

Question: "My sister and I have lived together for 15 years. She is now legally blind and cannot handle her finances. I have no idea what her income is or whether or not she even has a Will. I can’t pay her bills. She refuses to discuss money with me or her son. Guidance please."

Answer: All of these situations emphasize the importance of everyone, regardless of age, having a Power of Attorney document drawn up and signed. There are no guarantees in life, so everyone should choose someone else they trust to help out when needed.

Even with a POA signed, the person can handle all his or her finances as long as he or she is able. The person does not lose control over assets.

The POA should be looked upon as a helper document not a take over control document.

If a person refuses to sign a POA, then family members may have to hire a lawyer and go to court to be appointed guardian or administrator. This is a costly procedure. The judge might even appoint a complete stranger, who not only is paid a fee but also has the authority to the make life decisions contrary to the values of the elder.

Everyone has the choice to protect himself or herself or leave important financial, living and medical care decisions to strangers.

I had POA for my father for three years before I used it because he did not want to have anything to do with money. Until he was 93 he paid all my parents’ household bills, monitored his investments and made new investments as he wanted to.

Question: "My father, 69, recently sold his business and has a modest amount of cash, life insurance and an unknown amount invested in stock. He is being bombarded by various so-called financial planners, who advise all kinds of complicated 'plans.' He refuses to even discuss, much less do anything in relation to estate planning. He says it’s none of our business, and he knows what he’s doing."

Answer: If all his assets are in the million dollar range or less there is probably little that needs to be done in the way of estate planning. Depending on what state he lives in there probably would be no or little taxes when he dies.

Complicated ‘plans’ are most often useless and serve no purpose.

Besides wanting to keep financial information to himself, your father may not want to admit he feels overwhelmed by all these “plans.”

If he has not selected a Power of Attorney designee, do discuss this issue. Explain that if he hasn’t selected THE person he trusts to handle his finances if he is unable to do so, then a judge can appoint a complete stranger to take over this finances. In this case, he — and the family — will lose control of all of his money and assets. Point out to him the problems the Michael Jackson family has because of money.

The Sandwich Generation is reader interactive and comments and questions are welcome. Contact Carol Abaya via her website www.sandwichgeneration.com or e-mail This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . She does not respond to comments posted on this site.

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