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TagsBY PAM LOBLEY
NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
NOW THAT'S FUNNY
The city of Newark — in the throes of severe budget problems — has phased out its mounted police program. Starting January 31, 18 horses will be out of a job. Most will accept early retirement, but four of them have actually found new work, in the city of Philadelphia.
Philadelphia had ended is mounted police program back in 2004, also because of money shortages. But this past November a campaign was launched to raise money and bring back the highly effective program. State grants and corporate donations are adding up, and it looks like mounted police will be returning to the City of Brotherly Love. The four horses from Newark won't start work immediately, they have to wait until the funding is all in place, but in the meantime they will be boarded in Chester County.
I wonder what the horses think about their job relocation ...American Yankee: This stinks. You give your heart and soul to a job and they throw ya out whenever they want.
Broadway Kevin: They didn't mean to. They just can't afford us.
Seelster Sam: That's peoplepoop. Humans don't know how to handle money.
Amazing Art: Yeah. Like, they make those bets, about which one of us could run faster in a circle ... what's up with that?
Broadway Kevin: I'm going to miss Newark.
Seelster Sam: Are you serious?
Broadway Kevin: Yeah. I feel like we made a difference here. A policeman on my back gains an extra 10 feet of vision. We can go places cars can't go, like sidewalks or over grassy areas.
Amazing Art: My favorite was crowd control. All those humans ... looking up at me with respect ... they knew not to mess with me. Hopefully there will be crowds in Philadelphia, too.
Seelster Sam: Count on it.
Broadway Kevin: What's Philadelphia like compared to Newark?
American Yankee: Less carjacking, more cheese steaks.
Broadway Kevin: I don't know what that means.
American Yankee: It means it won't be that different: crime, noise, parades, and the occasional adorable child.
Amazing Art: Humans are cute when they're babies.
Broadway Kevin: So maybe the job change is not such a big deal.
Seelster Sam: It is so a big deal! It's totally unfair! I don't see any horses from Wall Street getting farmed out to some other city! No, those Wall Street mounts are well taken care of you, believe you me. It's a different world for them.
American Yankee: And what about our comrades - the other 14 that didn't get offered the Philly gig? What's left for them? The pasture? Adoption by some wealthy family? They're young horses, they need a purpose!
Broadway Kevin: They say the longer a horse is out of a job, the harder it is for him to find a job.
Seelster Sam: I was bred to work. Without a job, I don't know who I am.
Amazing Art: We just gotta hope this economy turns around soon.
American Yankee: I don't think that's going to happen. The humans just don't seem to know what to do.
Seelster Sam: They say humans are among the smartest mammals, but I don't see it.
Broadway Kevin: Me neither. Its times like these I really appreciate my blinders.
Amazing Art: Amen, brother.
Pam Lobley writes the "Now That's Funny" column. Sign up for her mailing list at www.pamlobley.com.
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