newjerseynewsroom.com

BY CAROL ABAYA

NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM

THE SANDWICH GENERATION

Question: I walked into my mother's room at the nursing home and the odor almost knocked me out. The aides told me that my mother (86) had
refused to take a shower for two weeks. I'm speechless.

Answer: Even though you live far away, the staff should have alerted you to the problem. It's a common one, especially during the winter. And the staff should have known how to handle this situation.

Winter is always a hard time of year for the elderly, who are more sensitive to temperatures and their changes. No one likes to take a shower if the bathroom is cold. And having to get out of the shower wet into a cool room can make anyone shiver and be very uncomfortable.

Second, make sure the staff makes the room warmer than usual (even 75+ degrees) so your mother is warm.

Third, the water temperature should be adjusted to what is comfortable for your mother (and not the aide). Your mother should test it before she gets into the shower.

Question: My parents (80s) are fighting every day about the temperature in the house. My mother is "too cold," and my father is "too hot." My mother refuses to put on a sweater. My father constantly turns the thermostat to below 70 degrees.

Answer: Another area where winter can play havoc with elders! A compromise seems to be in order. They might agree to one of the following, or a combination.

Your mother can wear heavier basic clothes, like a sweatshirt and pants. There are some lovely heavier outfits that are not bulky like sweaters.

The temperature can be increased to where it is comfortable for your mother, and your father might wear lighter weight clothes, short sleeve shirts, etc. The only problem with this is that he'll need a sweater when he goes outside.

Or the temperature can be kept somewhere in between, with both modifying the kind of clothes they wear.

Question: My father, 75, refuses to hire someone to shovel the snow. We live 50 miles away and can't be there after every snow storm. I'm afraid he'll hurt himself.

Answer: Age alone should not be a determinant as to whether a person should or should not do something. If you father has the physical ability, then he will modify how he does this job. He may do a little at a time and then rest. This is fine. Also, the amount of snow should determine whether someone else should shovel.

My father, at 90, was shoveling safely when the snow was not too deep. He did a little at a time. And they had 150 feet of sidewalk to shovel. My mother was shoveling at 85 — unsafely, after a blizzard. Unfortunately, this led to her major health problems and my getting involved in their daily care. So, depth of snow and physical capabilities should be the determinants.

The Sandwich Generation (R) is an interactive column. Questions from
readers are welcome. You can contact Carol Abaya by visiting her web site
www.sandwichgeneration.com or e-mail her directly at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

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Cold hits elders harder

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Caregivers: Deal with your anger

Intervene when seniors' safety is jeopardized

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The Sandwich Generation: Modern dilemma of elder care