NOW THAT'S FUNNY
This afternoon at 3 p.m., our elementary school in North Jersey had already declared they are closing school early tomorrow. Snow panic is in full gear.
Just as we dig out from the blizzard and my dog can finally smell the fire hydrant again, another storm is on the way. I've been watching the weather channels, and I've learned that: 1) it could be a wide band of snow, 2) it could be a narrow intense band of snow, 3) we could get three inches, 4) we could get seven inches, 5) it could start late Thursday night, 6) it could start Friday morning, 7) we could have more on Saturday, 8) it's nothing compared to the last storm, 8) people still need to be prepared.
Everywhere in the tri-state area, plans are being laid:
Major airlines are allowing people to change flights ahead of time without paying the usual $150 fee. They are stocking the planes with extra toilet paper and soda to make the 11-hour tarmac delays more comfortable.
Governor Christie has booked a return trip to Disney.
New York City sanitation workers are infecting themselves with strep so they can call in sick.
And I am going to Shoprite. Not because I'm panicking, mind you. I'm simply out of food. That happens when you have two boys.
Unfortunately, I will have to go food shopping while everyone else is panic shopping. The panic shoppers usually just buy a few things: twinkies, cake mixes, cereals. I guess they want to put on a few pounds while they're shut in. I don't see anybody stocking up on salad. I shopped the day of the blizzard two weeks ago, and there was not a lamp chop, steak or pork rib to be seen. Maybe that's why people have heart attacks while they're shoveling, because they're loaded up with butter and beef.
Tonight my children will go to sleep with their pajamas on backwards and instead out, with a spoon under their pillow. This is the magic formula for invoking a snow day. Actually, my younger son is so invested in this method he uses a ladle, not just an ordinary spoon.
Motorists are encouraged to check for current road conditions at the New Jersey Department of Transportation website. If the roads are bad, why not stay home? God knows, you've got enough food.
Pam Lobley writes the "Now That's Funny" column. Sign up for her mailing list at www.pamlobley.com.