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NJ school closings: More snow means more snow days

snowblower020111_optBY PAM LOBLEY
NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
NOW THAT'S FUNNY

We have had a lot of snow this winter in New Jersey, and for the schools, that means snow days. In fact, we've had so many "snow events" that my kids have not had a full week of school so far this year.

When I was a kid, you woke up early and listened to the radio to hear the announcements for your district. I can remember snuggling down in bed, holding my breath while they ticked off school after school, and then sighing with relief when I found out our school was closed. Now, in the age of computers, we get a robocall.

A robocall is an automated phone call that features the recorded voice of some authority for the purpose of imparting important information. In the case of the schools, the Superintendent calls to announce school closings or changes in the arrival/dismissal times. These calls can come in the middle of the night, around 4:30 a.m., but if you're lucky, they come the evening before the snow event, as the first one did in early January:

Good evening. Due to inclement weather, our school district will have a delayed opening tomorrow. School will begin at 10:00 a.m. I repeat, school will open at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow. Thank you and have a safe and warm night.

A few days later, I got this:

Good evening. Due to inclement weather, our school district will be closed tomorrow. I repeat, school will be closed tomorrow and will open the following day at the regularly scheduled time. Thank you, and have a safe and warm night.

A few more days, and:

Good evening. Due to inclement weather, our school district will have an early dismissal tomorrow. Although the snow accumulation for tomorrow afternoon is still unpredictable, we feel that we need to protect the safety of the children by calling an early day now. Plus, we don't want to drive in this slop either. Thank you and have a safe and warm night.

The following week, we had another snow day, and another delayed opening. A few days later, this call came in:

Good evening. Due to inclement weather, our school district will be closed tomorrow. I repeat, due to inclement weather, school will be closed tomorrow. I know we've used up all of our snow days already, and that we will have to take days away from Spring Break, but frankly, we don't know what else to do. We didn't ask for this crazy weather. Thank you and have a safe and warm night.

The next week I got this:

Good evening. Due to inclement weather, our school district will have a delayed opening tomorrow. School will begin at 10:00 a.m. All mothers should report to Charlie Browns immediately after drop off to begin drinking Margaritas. I repeat, all mothers should report to Charlie Browns by 11 a.m. to drink Margaritas. We know you need it. Thank you and have a safe and warm night.

Two days later:

Good evening. Due to inclement weather, school will be closed tomorrow. I repeat, school will be closed tomorrow. Please get out your children's math book, spelling lists and a World Atlas and begin home schooling your child. We encourage you to let them draw or paint as part of art class, and we remind you that shoveling counts as PE. Good luck, and we wish you a safe and warm night.

There's an ice storm predicted tomorrow. I can't wait to answer the phone.

Pam Lobley writes the "Now That's Funny" column. Sign up for her mailing list at pamlobley.com.

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Comments (1)
1 Wednesday, 02 February 2011 10:18
Janet Boyd
Good fun, as usual. Was just mentioning that there is some person who has been reading the news on 880AM forever, and the sound of his voice triggers instant memories of the anticipation of a snow day. Sometimes listened to him read off the same schools for an hour or more, willing our school to be called when we weren't one of the lucky ones.

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