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April Fool’s Day headlines

daffodil030511_optBY PAM LOBLEY
NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
NOW THAT’S FUNNY

Hey everybody! It’s a beautiful spring day with no snow on the ground! You can put all your bulky sweaters away and hit the tennis courts. Better stock up on sunscreen!

But first, enjoy these headlines of breaking news:

Taxes slashed in New Jersey! Governor Christie has announced that, due to some huge and unexpected federal funding for the schools, all New Jersey property taxes will be cut in half immediately.

Homeowners … it’s a great time to put your house on the market! Name your price – people can’t wait to move to New Jersey because of our exploding job market.

Travel lovers – it’s time to plan a road trip – gas is just 99 cents a gallon.

Bravo has just announced it is cancelling its entire “Real Housewives” series and replacing it with intelligent, scripted shows featuring college-educated characters.

Charlie Sheen admits to being a drunk who is “losing”.

Children everywhere shun Facebook and texting in favor of household chores and outdoor hiking.

Blue Cross executives vote themselves huge across-the-board pay cuts. They say it’s all about getting people healthy at a reasonable cost – NOT profits.

Libyan rebels get their act together and defeat Gadhafi WITHOUT foreign aid. Egypt’s former leader Hosni Mubarak joins next season’s “Dancing With The Stars”.

Congress enacts viable banking reform: Wall Street executives forced to sell their beach houses to just keep their kids in college.

Forbes is publishing its latest “400 Richest” list – topping the list with millions in earnings are Internet journalists.

Pam Lobley writes the “Now That’s Funny” column. Sign up for her mailing list at www.pamlobley.com.

ALSO BY PAM LOBLEY

Bergen County towns object to PSE&G's ugly solar panel utility poles

N.J. pension funds to take more risk

New Jersey's new fertilizer laws: obey or pay

Can a supermoon cause an earthquake (VIDEO)?

Cappie Pondexter’s Twitter comments can be a lesson on tweeting

Pi Day celebrated

Time change for spring 2011

Ash Wednesday: Hear God's voice over the sound of your snacking

Gasbuddy.com is a great way to find cheap gas

Faith Kroll (PHOTOS): Live sex act exposes Northwestern

Gov. Christie as President: The difference between 'could' and 'should'

How did 'Kurt Douglas' do at the Oscars?

Is President Obama stealing from Governor Chris Christie?

Chris Lee shirtless photo leads N.Y. Congressman to resign, but with raised suspicions

Is there a gay Snooki for ‘Jersey Shore' spinoff?

‘Jersey Shore' leads pack of hit N.J. reality TV shows

NJ school closings: More snow means more snow days

Mid-terms stink at North Hunterdon High School

Yes, Snooki and ‘Jersey Shore' to film in Italy

Coming out of the closet: I'm a mess

Who really owns the New York Jets?

Kansas State University professor loses 27 pounds on Twinkie diet

Are Chinese mothers superior?

N.J. school closings: Snow day tips

Four Horsemen of Downsizing: Newark ending mounted police program

N.J. weather forecast: State is getting more snow!

Snooki wrote a book? It's ‘A Shore Thing'

Now that's funny: Angie's got a bump!

Gov. Christie will not make New Year's resolutions

Christmas photos ... do the kids really look like that?

True confessions — I got bailed out by Fed's Ben Bernanke!

Gov. Paterson wants New Jersey to help pay for repairs to New York's Tappan Zee Bridge

Billboard at the Lincoln Tunnel celebrates atheism

‘Dancing with the Stars' — a spin off?

It's official. Chris Christie might run for president in 2016

‘Real housewives of N.J.' star Teresa Giudice will be back

Who wears the pants in your family?

N.J. dad drops toilet paper from plane while flying over son's school

Jewish Standard caught in the middle on same-sex wedding announcements

 

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